


Dust of Snow

by Perzikje



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bisexual Character, Break Up, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:07:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28695948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perzikje/pseuds/Perzikje
Summary: Louis and Harry are professional snowboarders and have known each other for years. When their relationship changes, they both handle it differently. Harry struggles with his newfound sexuality while Louis struggles with his feelings. In the end it will all work out, but first they have to figure it out.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	1. It Starts With the Break Up

**Author's Note:**

> I love snowboarding, so I just had to write an AU for our favourite couple. The only thing you need to know is that mostly everyone in this fic is a competitive professional snowboarder, travelling all over the world to compete, mostly in the same circle of people. Fair warning: the whole thing is self-indulgent and ridiculously OOC.

“This isn’t working.”

“Yeah, you need to cheer up and I know just how to do it,” Harry answered playfully, poking Louis' side, a smile on his face as he moved in for a kiss.

Louis turned his head away from him. “I meant you and me.”

Harry stopped moving closer as the smile on his face faded. He was silent for a few seconds, taking it in.

“Oh. I… How do you mean?”

It was hard to put it into words. “You…” he sighed. “I feel like you don’t want to be with me. Like you don’t want to even be seen with me.”

“Is this because I wouldn’t hold your hand?”

Earlier that day they’d been to lunch with a bunch of their friends, checking out the café that was famous for their panini’s. The reputation had been well deserved as their food had been delicious, but Louis hadn’t had the greatest of times. Gemma had also been there and while she was a great gal, Louis had begun loathing her presence which was not by any fault of Gemma’s.

His and Harry’s relationship was a secret because Harry wasn’t ready to share or come out or whatever. That wasn’t the greatest, but Louis was happy to be with him and could also understand the struggle and insecurity, so he’d been trying to be patient. After all, he’d been through something similar himself. Okay, that had been more than ten years ago and he’d thought he had left that all far behind him, but still. He could relate. You couldn’t force it and he wasn’t planning on pressuring Harry.

Though he couldn’t tell or show anyone that they were dating, usually Harry would give him looks and smiles whenever they were hanging out with other people, subtle enough for no one to pick up on but Louis, but enough to keep him going, feeling appreciated by Harry. But whenever Gemma was with them Harry would completely ignore him like he wasn’t even there, never even looking his way or speaking to him unless Louis talked to him, first. Louis figured it was because Harry was too scared that Gemma would get a clue, seeing that she knew Harry so well that she might figure it out just by looking at him. To Louis this was a dumb thing to do as it was probably weirder that he acted like Louis didn’t exist. But he didn’t know for sure what Harry was thinking to make him act like that, because he refused to talk about it whenever he tried to bring it up.

In fact, he mostly refused to talk about being open with their relationship at all times, leaving Louis frustrated that it wasn’t even something they could discuss; Harry had made up his mind that nobody could know and that had been that. No talk, no discussion, nothing. Louis had come to accept it, thinking that it would change over time when Harry had gotten more comfortable in their relationship. He wanted to give him space to figure things out, be chill about it, but as nothing changed over the months he’d become wary. Again, he had tried to talk about it to Harry, see what he was thinking, if he was scared, if he was unsure about his sexuality, about _them_ , just, anything. It had been to no avail; all his efforts had been easily rebuked as Harry simply refused to discuss it. It had made Louis increasingly unsure about how Harry really felt about him and if it was all worth it. But then, they would spend some time together, just the two of them, Harry lavishing all his attention on him and Louis would be reassured, at least for a short while. This cycle went on and on, Louis being sure he couldn’t do it anymore to being assured that Harry wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with Harry. It was a constant battle in his mind that preoccupied a lot of his time.

It also didn’t help that he had never been in a serious relationship before so he had no point of reference for how it was supposed to work. With Harry though, everything was different. He wanted to show everyone how he felt about him, proud as he was to be with him, it was just that Harry wouldn’t let him. The privilege of being with him mostly outweighed the negative side of being secretive. Or it had, for a long time. Lately, Louis found he couldn’t do it anymore. He’d done everything in his power to make Harry see that he couldn’t go on like this, that they at least needed to be able to talk about it, but he had been deaf to his pleas.

This afternoon had been the latest of a series of situations which made Louis feel bad. Harry had ignored him all through lunch which wasn’t cool. Then after, their friends had gone back to their cabins while Louis and Harry went to the town market, Louis being surprised that Harry agreed to go with him so easily. It had been snowing ever so lightly and the mood between them had been sweet, easy. Harry had been all smiles and talked a mile a minute, acting as if the ignoring him throughout lunch hadn’t just happened, but Louis was still pissed about that. Then, when Louis’d reached for his hand, Harry had refused him, taking a step away to create space between them, saying that people would see. Louis tried to argue that no one there knew them, so who would care if they were holding hands? To which Harry had replied with an annoyed sigh that _he_ cared, not realizing or maybe not caring that he basically ripped Louis’ heart from his chest to stomp on it. Louis’d not been able to hide his bad mood ever since.

“It’s not only that,” he now answered. “You basically ignored me all through lunch.”

“Gemma was there.”

He said it matter-of-factly, like that explained his behaviour. It didn’t.

“So?”

“So you know she doesn’t know.”

“No one knows, Harry. _No one_.” Though he tried, he couldn’t help his tone from becoming accusatory.

Harry raised his head and caught Louis’ eye. “And you want them to.”

“Yes!”

Anger was bottling up inside of him. He knew it wasn’t helping his case but he couldn’t stop it; it was months of frustration and feeling immense hope only to be let down over and over, all accumulating to this point.

He could see Harry was taken aback by his reaction.

“Look, I don’t mean to be so…” he sighed.

“It’s just, I like you, I like being with you, and I want to show that. But you’re not letting me do that. It kinda sucks.”

“I thought we had something good going.”

“Do you? ‘Cause it pretty much feels like you’re embarrassed of me.”

“I’m not!”

Louis huffed in disbelieve.

They were silent for a minute or so.

Then, dropping his gaze to the floor and lowering his voice considerably, Harry said, “I just don’t want people to think I’m gay.”

And there it was. Finally, for the first time, Louis felt like they came somewhat close to the root of the problem. He stayed silent, hoping Harry would keep on talking for they really did need to discuss this if they were going to stand a chance. The silence stretched awkwardly between them before Harry opened his mouth again.

“Because I’m not.”

“I know. I’m not, either.”

“No. But you hook up with chicks and dudes.”

“Sure,” Louis said, not knowing where Harry was going with this, “and no one cares. Besides, you dated Heather for years and now you’re dating me, so...”

“That’s not the same.”

This line of conversation was now starting to confuse him.

“I did not mean to say that we’re the same. But, isn’t it kind of similar? Like, a little bit?”

“You’re bi. I don’t know if I am. I’ve always thought I was straight. Never questioned it. I mean, it was always girls, and then… Now there’s you. I don’t know _what_ I am.” He looked defeated.

Louis deflated as he felt for Harry in that moment. He berated himself on pushing aside how difficult and confusing this probably was for him. _Stop being an asshole,_ he told himself. His tone softened,

“You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just, talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”

Harry nodded and looked up at Louis.

“I’m sorry that I’m no good at this.”

“You’re alright,” Louis said as he put his arms around him.

They stood there for a minute or so when Harry spoke into his neck,

“I’m really not embarrassed of you. I like you.”

Louis’ chest felt too tight which made him hug Harry harder and press a kiss into his neck. He held on to him as his mind wandered. So Harry was insecure about where he stood. It was very understandable even if it did not help Louis feel better about the secretiveness of it all. But he could hold out for just a bit longer, he could, he just had to focus on the good parts.

“How did you find out?”

Louis was torn from his thought process and it took a second or two before he understood the question.

“That I liked girls as well as boys?”

Harry hummed into his neck.

“I suppose it was always there, that I’ve always sort of known. But I wasn’t completely sure until I kissed a guy.”

“Who?”

“Alex. We were in the same class. He actually kissed me first. But I wanted it, I had a crush on him though I hadn’t fully realized that at the time.”

He pulled away from the hug so he could look at Harry. He chose his next words carefully,

“I was relieved after, knowing that I was bisexual instead of being unsure about what I was feeling. Being able to label how I felt really helped me to accept it, but I know it’s not like that for everyone. No one is the same. You don’t have to give it a name if you don’t want to or don’t know how to.”

Harry seemed to contemplate this for a minute.

“How old were you?”

“Thirteen.”

“Wow.”

Louis smiled, “Yeah, I know.”

“Was he your first?”

“Kiss?”

Harry nodded.

“No, that was Lisa, on my birthday a few months earlier. She had this beautiful long blonde hair and was really sweet. All the guys liked her. I did, too.”

“Funny thing,” he laughed, “she, Alex and I actually ended up in bed together a few years later.”

“You had a threesome?”

The smug grin was impossible to hold back. “Yeah.”

Harry huffed out a breath.

“But… you know, it was kind of a mess. It all sounds great but three people in one bed is a bit much. I did find out some stuff about myself though and we had fun. But we all decided we would never do that again.”

While Louis liked both sexes, Alex was gay and Lisa was straight. Their ending up in bed together had been a crazy idea fueled by teenage hormones and weed. At that point, Louis had mostly been sleeping with girls and only a few guys. He found that while guys were easier for a quick hook-up, girls were easier to fuck; if they were turned on you could just go right ahead. With guys there was a lot more preparation to be done and spontaneity usually did not work out for that reason, not unless you wanted someone to get hurt. So sex with dudes was mostly everything _but_ fucking. He’d been curious about being on the receiving end for a while but had never trusted anyone to do it. But he trusted Alex, and that night he’d let him top him. It had been weird at first and had hurt, but Lisa had kept him calm and talked him through it. It was only when Alex had hit the right angle that Louis had understood what all the fuss was about. After that experience he began to actively seek out guys for sex as well as girls.

“What did you find out?”

“That I like sex,” he shrugged, evading a real answer.

This was also a recurring theme in their relationship: he always felt like he had to hold back, hold a part of himself back, as to not make Harry uncomfortable or scare him off. He felt like he couldn’t tell him how he wanted Harry to fuck him in a way that would make him forget everything but Harry’s name and how he wanted to do the same to him, too.

“Oh really,” Harry said, not picking up the evasiveness of the answer, “prove it.”

Louis was easily drawn into him as Harry kissed him with abandon and walked them in the general direction of the bedroom. Louis could not resist him even for a second, nor did he want to. He could hold out until Harry was ready to be open about their relationship. He could.

“When is your flight?”

“Taxi’s coming to pick us up at 6.30.”

“Right.”

They were sitting opposite each other at the kitchen bar table. A pot of coffee stood between them like a shield of some kind. Both had a full mug but neither was drinking it. Harry had been stirring his coffee for a minute straight though he didn’t even take sugar or milk, his eyes following the small waves the spoon made in the black liquid. Louis studied him, committing his unruly hair and the curve of his nose to his memories even if it was all already safely stowed away in there. He didn’t have to touch or breathe in Harry’s hair to know the scent of those dark locks and how soft they were when Harry would take his beanie off after a long day, or how straw like the strands would feel whenever they were in need of a wash. He didn’t need to kiss Harry to know the press of his nose right next to his own, fitting perfectly together as their lips connected. It was the most useless and yet most cherished information that took up residence in his brain.

“Harry.”

His eyes found Louis’ then. “Don’t.”

Louis understood what he meant, he really did for he did not want to do it either. But…

“I have to. We can’t— I can’t continue like this.”

The night before they’d had a huge fight. For what felt like the umpteenth time, Louis had tried to make Harry see that he was having trouble keeping their relationship under wraps. But like all the times he tried before Harry hadn’t budged, leading up to Louis saying that they were not compatible since Harry wasn’t ready to be open about dating a guy but Louis did not want to keep it secret anymore. His mental wellbeing was slowly but surely deteriorating as he tried to keep Harry happy, all the while juggling his own changing feelings and needs. Harry had gotten mad and had accused Louis of all kinds of things, including pushing him into coming out, which Louis took offence to because that was the last thing he was trying to do, though he could see why Harry would take it that way. Telling people he was dating Louis meant that he would be telling them he was dating a guy, after all. The one couldn’t be separated from the other. Louis had tried to explain himself but they’d ended up screaming at each other which was a first. In the end they’d decided to sleep on it and discuss it the next day. Louis had lain awake half the night, racking his mind for some other kind of solution, but he knew there was none. They’d only end up hurting each other if they went on like this.

“You can try,” Harry said.

Louis sighed. “I _have_ tried. So hard. You don’t even know.”

“Then tell me.”

He kept silent. It wasn’t like he hadn’t told him before. If Harry had chosen to ignore it time and time again that wasn’t Louis’ fault.

“I just don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

Louis didn’t know how many times he had to try and explain it to him before Harry would get it. Always at least once more, it seemed. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you. It’s just that I – ”

“Then why are you doing this?”

It took all his will power but he managed to not raise his voice, “Can you let me finish please?”

When Harry audibly shut his mouth, Louis continued, “We don’t want the same things. You’re not comfortable being open about dating me, but I’m not comfortable with keeping it secret. It makes me feel like shit.”

There was silence for a few seconds. “I don’t want you to feel like shit. I… I’m not trying to hurt you.”

Louis took a sip of his coffee as he tried to stall for time while figuring out what to say next. The drink was only lukewarm still and tasted bitter going down his throat. He did not take his coffee black but they were out of milk. He sat the cup down again.

“I know. I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t want to be in a relationship where I can’t be open about it, can’t even tell my friends and family about it.”

Harry started stirring his coffee again. The sound of the spoon dragging along the porcelain expanded in the hollow silence that was forming between them.

“Why now? You were fine with it before.” His tone was almost accusatory.

Louis couldn’t believe him. “I was never fine with it. I accepted it because I understand that it isn’t easy to figure shit out. I guess I thought that it would get better over time, that you would eventually be okay with dating a guy.”

He didn’t add that he had wanted to be with Harry so badly that he would’ve accepted almost anything at the beginning. It had felt like a dream come true just to be able to kiss Harry when they were alone, and at that time he hadn’t cared for how he couldn’t do something simple as hold his hand in public. Funny how much difference a couple of months could make.

Any allusion to coming out or discussing Harry’s sexuality was normally ignored by him if he didn’t bring it up himself first, and this time it was no different as Harry made no comment. Louis expected nothing less of him by this point.

“But still, why now? What’s changed?”

His only reply was to shrug. There was no easy answer. He didn’t know how to explain to Harry that he couldn’t take the jaunts of his friends anymore when they again teased him for apparently turning celibate as he warded off all advances and had been doing so for months. The teasing wasn’t a big deal, they jerked each other around all the time, but when Zayn had caught him alone and had seriously asked him if he was alright and that he could talk to him if he needed to, it had been difficult to not open up. Louis wanted his best friend to know and he didn’t think that was such an outlandish thing to want.

His sister was the one who did know for he had needed to tell _someone_ , and he’d figured she was a safe option. It had been obvious Harry hadn’t been happy about it, but he’d let it slide. At first it had been nice to have someone who he didn’t have to watch his words with, to be able to answer questions about what he’d been up to the night before with that he’d been hanging out with Harry, but eventually Lottie had caught up to the fact that she was the only one in the know and that had made her change her opinion on their relationship where she’d been nothing but supportive and happy for him before. She told him time and time again that the way Harry was handling this wasn’t alright and though he tried to look past that, eventually her words got under his skin for he knew she was somewhat right.

Then there was something else, something that had been there since about a month or so but that he daren’t fully acknowledge, least of all talk about. For years he’d known he had a crush on Harry. That feeling had always been steady, even if it was sometimes more prominent and less easy to ignore than other times. Harry had been off limits in so many ways that he hadn’t ever had to think about _what if_. But now… He hadn’t known that there were apparently _levels_ to liking someone. The thing was that right now he was drowning in a level so deep that it hurt in his chest just to think of Harry. It was a stage long past anything you could call a crush, and if Louis was being honest with himself he knew what he’d probably call it now, but he tried to keep the word out of his mind. He couldn’t deal with it so he just ignored it as best as he could.

Louis doubted Harry felt the same way about him. If he had ever thought that Harry did, it had been squashed about three weeks ago when Harry’s mother and stepdad had visited. Harry’d been looking forward to it and had told him how they would all be going to a fancy dinner together, so that his mom and stepdad could meet Gemma’s new boyfriend, the one she’d been dating since about 2 months after he and Harry had gotten together. However, all of them going to dinner seemingly didn’t apply to Louis, who had not been invited. He had not expected to be, again because Harry wasn’t ready, but it had hurt him that Harry kept referring to their dinner party as ‘all of us’ and see how much he was looking forward to it. He’d been completely oblivious to the pain it caused Louis. He knew for sure then that Harry did not see him as part of his intimate inner circle where his parents, sister and apparently his sister’s boyfriend did belong to. No, he belonged in the group of Harry’s friends and was only just a notch up from the status of a fuckbuddy. Probably. He wasn’t even sure of that. He’d known then that this thing between them couldn’t last much longer but he hadn’t been strong enough to let him go just yet. He was, now.

“So we’re done.” Harry wasn’t looking at him anymore.

“I think it’s for the best.”

Louis wanted Harry to fight him on it, fight for them, to kick and scream that he was not accepting their break up, that there had to be another solution. A small part of him was still hoping that Harry would, for Louis knew he cared. He just didn’t care _enough_. This was real life and not some sort of sappy fantasy romance movie in which everything turned out okay. Just because you found the person you wanted to be with did not mean they felt the same about you. It sucked but Louis had learned his lesson.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Louis agreed in resignation. His body turned cold as though his blood had cooled in his veins. Tears were threatening to fill his eyes and it took a lot out of him to keep them dry. He didn’t want Harry to see. Not knowing what to do he drained his coffee, screwing his eyes shut for a second at the harsh taste. It was terrible, made worse by it being cold. He’d only brewed it that strong because Harry liked it that way. The thought set off another wave of longing, though the man he longed for was sitting right there. They just couldn’t make each other happy.

“Can we still be friends?”

“Not right now,” he spoke to the table top.

Harry looked hurt when Louis dared to glance up at him. All he wanted to do then was reach around the table and take a hold of him, to tell him everything would be alright, but it would be a total lie and wouldn’t help either of them. So he remained where he was.

“Give me some time, yeah?”

“Okay.”

Harry got up then and stood there awkwardly, his body turning towards Louis as if to hug him but thinking better of it at the last second.

“Have— Have a safe flight.”

So this is what they’d come to.

“Thanks.”

Harry turned and left without looking back, leaving Louis at the table.

Zayn found him there about twenty minutes later, still in the same position, staring off into the empty space where he had left a piece of his heart that he would never regain.

“You alright?”

Zayn had that same worried expression on his face again like he knew something was up but he just couldn’t figure it out. Louis hated every second of it.

“Just tired, man.”

“You can sleep on the way to the airport. Are you packed yet?”

“Yeah.”

Zayn wrapped an arm around his shoulders, shaking him. “We’re going home!”

Despite himself, Louis smiled. He couldn’t think of a place he’d rather be right now.


	2. We Go Back to the Start

It was easy to remember the days that had led to all of this. It’d been halfway into the season. Mostly it had been the same as any other year, all of them having fun together, working hard on the slopes and partying it up at night. The only difference was the unexplained tension that Louis had felt every time he was somewhat close to Harry. At first he’d brushed it off easily, attributing it to yet another few weeks in which he was utterly besotted with Harry which he had come to accept as an unavoidable annual occurrence some years ago. He knew how to deal with it by now, it wasn’t a big issue for him, or so he told himself. But as the season had progressed the tension lingered and had even flared up at times. At that point he’d began to think something else was going on.

When he realized Harry seemed to feel it too, evident in the way he steadily became more awkward every time they were alone together, Louis had felt hope like never before that Harry maybe, just maybe, was interested in him too. So he had tried to see how far he could go before Harry told him off, to test the waters, so to speak. At first, he just casually flirted with him, pretending it was in jest, complementing everything from his riding to his hairstyle. Then he’d upped his game with looks, staring at Harry way longer than was normal. At first Harry would simply look away from him, acting like he hadn’t noticed. It took a few days of blunt staring, but then he began to hold Louis gaze, sometimes from halfway across the room, Harry’s gaze curious. Louis had taken it as a challenge. He’d search for any means to have casual physical contact with him, one day going as far as deliberately running into him on his board where Harry was resting, throwing his arms around him so they would not fall down, and making no apologies when Harry would look at him like he wanted to say ‘what the fuck’ quite a few times after it kept happening. Still, Harry did not address his odd behaviour. 

It was only when Louis stopped his attentions as a result of a sudden internal crisis in which he questioned his actions, fell harder for Harry than ever before and somehow acutely realized that Harry wasn’t even into men and he was making a proper fool of himself, that something changed.

For some reason Louis remembered it had been a Tuesday.

He’d walked into the neighbouring cabin, looking for Jamie, but he hadn’t been there. Harry had been though, slumping on the couch, flipping through his phone.

“Hey,” Louis greeted, “mind if I join you?”

“Sure,” he got as an answer which sounded casual, but Harry sat up straight, looking less than comfortable.

Louis placed himself next to him, making sure there was ample space between them, this being more for his own benefit than for Harry’s. For a few seconds they sat in awkward silence. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Harry’s eyes on him but when he set his gaze directly on him he was quick to look away. Louis was so done. He could not take another day of this.. this, _tension_. To hell with it. If he was going to make a fool of himself then this was the right time to do it. Get it done.

“So, you tried to run me over this morning.”

Harry’s head immediately shot up, “It was an accident! I apologized!”

“Yeah,” Louis said, “you did, but it wasn’t an accident.” He smiled to let Harry know he wasn’t mad.

He got no response. Nerves were spreading in his stomach, making it impossible to sit still. He slid closer as his right leg started to jitter, the faint ‘tap tap tap’ noise his socked foot made on the wooden floor being the only sound in the room.

“You started it.”

Relief washed over him at the sound of Harry’s voice but it did nothing to calm him.

“I did.” He wasn’t about to deny it. No, he was done with playing. The only thing he could hope for was that Harry was done with it, too.

Harry gave him a confused look, inhaling and opening his mouth as if he was going to speak before thinking better of it, looking at the man next to him before setting his gaze on the floor. He wringed his hands together.

“What?” Louis asked.

“Why?”

“You know why.”

Harry shook his head, “No.” The floor seemed to be very interesting indeed.

“You do,” Louis insisted. Again, he slid a little closer. It made Harry look up, a rosy blush staining his cheeks. Louis’ stomach clenched hard but outwardly he stayed cool. Deciding that subtle was a station long passed, he placed his hand on Harry’s knee, catching his eye as he raised his eyebrows in question.

The blush became more pronounced but Harry returned Louis’ gaze.

It looked like he was at a loss for words though his body seemed to know what it wanted as Harry placed his right hand next to Louis’, their fingers almost but not quite touching. Louis moistened his lips which drew Harry’s attention. His throat was suddenly dry and it felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. Adrenalin was coursing through his veins and he had never been one to not give into it.

“Tell me no if you don’t want me to.”

Harry kept his mouth shut and his eyes on Louis, waiting. So Louis leaned in slowly and put their lips together. Harry should’ve seen it coming as Louis thought he’d made his intension pretty clear, but still he recoiled as if burnt. Louis pulled back to give him space, his nerves turning into dread. The rejection hurt. Had he read the situation so wrong?

Next to him Harry was breathing harshly in the silence, his eyes big as he looked at Louis.

“I’m sorry,” Louis started to apologize in a voice that he did not recognize as his own. He did not know what to say or do to salvage the situation but apologies usually worked when he’d screwed something up, so it was a start.

“No.”

No? Was that his dismissal? Should he leave? But then Harry’s hand was on his face and his thoughts were halted. Slowly, Harry moved in, his gaze flitting between Louis’ eyes and mouth. Closer and closer he came until Louis’ eyes couldn’t accommodate any more and he had to close them before going cross eyed. Not two seconds later he felt the soft press of chapped lips on his own. Harry kissed him gently, taking his lower lip in between his, his hand steady on Louis’ stubbled cheek.

It didn’t last long. Louis was about to deepen the kiss when the sound of the heavy hard wooden front door opening reached his ears. Harry was quick to jump up from being pressed against him, taking a few steps away from the couch. He ran both hands through his hair even though Louis had not touched it, which now seemed like a missed opportunity.

Niall came crashing into the room with his usual ruckus.

“Yo Harry! We’re going to check that restaurant out,” he then turned to Louis, “wanna join?”

Louis mind hadn’t caught up with reality yet and Harry beat him to answering,

“He’s busy.”

“Yeah,” he found himself agreeing, “got other plans.” Even though it wasn’t true.

“That’s cool, see ya later!”

And just ask quick as he had arrived Niall left again, this time with Harry in tow. Harry hadn’t even said so much as a bye to him.

He was left on the saggy couch, his heart still beating fast as he tried to process what had just happened.

The following night Louis had tossed and turned in his bed, only getting short naps in before he woke up again, his mind an overactive jungle of thoughts and emotions. After he’d given up on sleep he’d been on his phone, typing message after unsend message to Harry. He could not figure out what to say. A simple _hi_ seemed stupid, but _I liked hanging out with you today_ was way too mushy. Others that didn’t pass were _I had fun today, we should do it again_ and _I hope you liked it as much as I did_. He wasn’t a lovesick girl. He stopped trying after he’d typed _I really want to bone you_ , inwardly laughing at himself before deleting it. It was true, but while he could definitely send something like this to one of his hookups and it would probably work too, he could not send it to Harry.

He had then spend the rest of the night googling Harry, looking at pictures and reading articles, even stalking him on Instagram which was another level of depravity. Luckily, he had enough self awareness left to not heart every selfie post he saw. God, he was going crazy. It must’ve been the lack of sleep. When his phone indicated that there was only 5% battery left he got up and plugged it in, walking back to his bed fast as the floor was cold on his bare feet. Once he was curled up under the blankets he finally let himself go over and over what had happened.

They’d kissed. Harry had kissed him, he really had. Louis had kissed him first, but Harry had initiated after that. So he had wanted it, it wasn’t a delusion of his mind. No, Harry had kissed him, he was sure. Louis barely suppressed the need to pinch himself. It was too bad about the interruption, but sometimes waiting was the best foreplay. His heart was beating so fast that he felt unruly. He turned over onto his back, staring at the ceiling, trying to calm himself down. He was never getting any sleep this way.

During the next day he was tired but at least distracted from his own inner mind, working hard on the slopes with his buddies. He was having a bad day though, flaking out on some tricks that he normally had down and his frustration build up accordingly as he tried again and again.

“Dude,” Zayn told him after yet another stumble, “take a break, it’s not your day.”

Knowing he was right - it was no use risking an injury continuing like this - he took Zayn’s advice and sat down at the top, watching others come by. The sun was shining brightly and Louis leaned back on his elbows to take it in. He was thinking about going back to the cabin to take a nap when Zayn went riding by, made a turn, and joined him.

“Check this out.”

He showed Louis his phone, “Mark just send it.”

“How do you even have coverage out here?” He checked his own phone but there was nothing, he had zero bars.

“Just watch.”

So Louis did. In the video, Harry stomped a perfect triple cork 1620 backside as if it was nothing, everybody cheering in the background.

“Holy shit that’s so sick,” Louis said, impressed.

“I know right, it’s fucking beautiful.”

“Beautiful,” he agreed. He pulled his beanie off as his face was suddenly feeling a bit too hot under the afternoon sun.

“You alright, man?”

“Yeah, I’m just so tired, I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I think I’ll go back and try to get some, now.”

Zayn let him go. Louis dragged himself back to the town and almost fell asleep in the shuttle over. Upon arrival he decided he could use a hot drink before he went looking for his bed. The tea had barely cooled enough to sip when he was joined by Jamie and Mark, both of them plunking down heavily.

Louis laughed, “You too, huh? I’m fucking beat.”

Jamie grunted in reply while Mark gave up sitting straight and rested his head on the table, arms going up around, muttering something that Louis could not understand. He understood the sentiment though.

Slowly, he began to sip from his tea, wanting to finish it so he could go up and crash. He was barely keeping his eyes open as it was but his mind was already on the coming night, hoping he would see Harry and continue where they’d left off yesterday. The waiting and anticipating was not something he was very good at, but it would go faster when he was asleep. Besides, he’d only have to wait a few more hours.

“Scoot up.”

Or like, a few seconds. Louis stared as Jamie slid further into the booth to make room, his hand that was holding his tea stalled between the table and his mouth.

“One herbal tea for you,” Harry said, handing it to Jamie, “and a green tea for you. I didn’t know which one you wanted so it’s with lemon.” He placed the cup next to Mark, who raised one hand and grunted in thanks. 

“Hi,” Harry acknowledged him as he sat down.

Louis smiled at him sheepishly for a few seconds. He couldn’t make his mouth work.

“Hey,” he greeted belatedly.

Swallowing a too large, too hot gulp of his tea he kept his eyes on Harry as he sat across from him, warming his hands on his own beverage. He looked good, the natural color of his cheeks contrasted by the rest of his skin. And his lips were so red. It was a good thing there was a table between them or Louis wouldn’t’ve been able to keep from doing something foolish. He really needed to be alone with Harry. Also, he really needed sleep. Maybe not in that order. He couldn’t think sensibly.

As his mind went over these things in extreme slowness, the silence between them stretched. Harry didn’t seem bothered, sipping on his drink and looking chill as usual, occasionally catching Louis’ eye. Mark still hadn’t moved an inch so Louis was pretty sure he’d nodded off and even Jamie was slumping in his seat, head resting on his shoulder.

He wanted to break the silence but all that his mind came up with were variations of _fuck, you’re hot_ and _kiss me, kiss me_ , both of which Louis was clever enough not to say out loud.

It seemed that now they had touched lips, albeit briefly, the floodgates in Louis’ head and body had opened completely. Never before had he felt so out of control around Harry, it was ridiculous. His body was thrumming just from sitting across from him and he could recognize he was flat out losing it. Oh, God. He desperately needed to feel Harry’s touch again; it was almost unbearable to just sit here and not being able to do anything about it. This wasn’t like him at all. Maybe it was all in his head. He really, _really_ needed to get some sleep. Everything else would have to wait, though he wouldn’t mind it if Harry joined him for a nap. In his bed. Just the two of them. Yeah. Louis’ mind went there and it was all he could do to try and act somewhat normal with the other guys around. Drinking the last of his tea, his mind wandered again.

“Oh!” he suddenly remembered.

Harry jumped, wiping his nose as it had landed in his drink. Louis didn’t really notice.

“I saw that triple cork, so sick dude.”

Harry smiled. “Thanks, I had a good flow going. Been trying a while now.”

“You really stomped it.”

“It was so awesome,” Mark stirred next to them. 

Louis let them recount it, listening and making the right noises and facial expressions at the right time, but in his head all he could process was how beautiful Harry was. Well, if he was being honest, he wasn’t really processing that, either. He just knew he had to be with him. Alone.

Under the table his foot went searching for Harry’s, nudging it when he found it, simultaneously giving Harry one of his most successful flirty smiles. What he did not expect was for him to ignore it and pull back his feet. Huh. That was weird. Harry shook his head inconspicuously at him, his mouth wording ‘later’. Louis got the message and he drank the last of his tea before announcing his exit. After a quick hot shower he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

That night it was cold out but the windchill was a welcome contrast to the hot party room Louis had just left. He leaned against the brick wall as he tried to calm down. The party was alight and he would be having a great time if it wasn’t for the one person that had failed to show up. He did not expect Harry to be there as he’d said earlier that he was probably going to have an early night, but a small part of him had still hoped to see him tonight. At dinner earlier he’d asked Harry if they could hang out and watch a movie or something, thinking that maybe Harry was putting up a front for his buddies but in reality wanted to hang with Louis. However, Harry had declined and told him he really was tired. Just like that afternoon, Louis hadn’t exactly known how to take this. He couldn’t wait to be alone with Harry, but apparently he wasn’t feeling the same.

Maybe he regretted what had happened. That wasn’t fun to think about. Just 24 hours ago Louis had his first taste of something he’d wanted for years and now it more and more seemed like that was maybe the only taste he was ever going to get. If he had known that would be the case he wouldn’t have gone after Harry to begin with, as it was torture to share just one kiss when he wanted to do so much more. It was already fucking him up. He’d never felt this way about anyone and it scared him. It had been going on for some years but it had been perfectly liveable when he’d adhered to the rules he’d set for himself, the most important being to never hook up with any of his friends. And he hadn’t, not until yesterday. And only then because he couldn’t resist Harry and he really thought that Harry had developed some kind of feelings for him, too. But now he was thinking he’d been wrong. It was a shitty situation to be in, even more so because he did not know what Harry wanted. If he would just flat out reject him, tell him to back off, then at least things would be clear and he could move on.

The cold was getting to him now and he zipped up his coat. He did not want to join the party again just yet. It was pretty deserted out here, the only other people he could see were far away from him and he could only barely make them out though the night sky was clear. The silence resounded in his brain as he tried to expel all negative thoughts. He was trying to decide whether to join the party again or just go home when the sound of footsteps made him look up. Harry was walking towards him. Louis stared. His heart was suddenly trying to beat out of his chest.

“Hey.”

But there was no reply as Harry walked straight past. What? He wasn’t going to get away with that.

Louis followed him around the corner and then around another one, where Harry abruptly stopped and turned to face him. Louis was quite done.

“What the fuck? You’re just going to ignore me like that? Look, if you regret it then all you have to do is say so. You don’t have to be such an asshole about it.”

The second he was done talking Harry moved in and pressed his mouth to Louis’, moving so quickly that he had not seen it coming. Their noses pressed together awkwardly and Harry’s aim was a bit off, but after the initial shock Louis kissed him back with enthusiasm.

After only a few seconds Harry pulled back and looked at him through his eyelashes, his cheeks aflame. “I don’t regret it at all.”

“Cool,” Louis said in answer, trying to catch his breath. His arms stretched towards Harry, fingers curling in the fabric of his coat.

Harry’s entire demeanor changed. He met Louis’ gaze dead on, giving him a confident smile and walked Louis the two steps back it took for him to be pressed against the wall. Just like the day before, Harry put his hand on Louis’ cheek and moved in again.

This time Louis was prepared and tilted his head so that their mouths lined up perfectly. Harry kissed him almost sweetly, taking his bottom lip in between his own. It started out the same as yesterday, but there was no one to interrupt them now as Louis opened his mouth and touched Harry’s lips with his tongue. Harry was quick to let him in and before long they were kissing deeply, first a bit frantic, but soon slowing down to an easier cadence. Louis’ stomach was swirling like mad. After some time he pulled back to catch his breath, but Harry barely gave him any time before he leaned in again. Louis didn’t mind. To hell with oxygen, he could live on Harry’s kisses alone.

In the end, it was Harry who broke their kiss.

“Niall has a headache.”

Louis blinked. It was difficult to get his eyes to focus. “Huh?”

“He took a bunch of painkillers and stayed back at the cabin.”

“Okay?”

Harry bit his lip, lowering his head so he had to glance up at Louis from between his eyelashes. “How ‘bout yours?”

It connected in Louis’ mind. _Holy_ _shit_.

“Everyone’s here.”

Harry let out a shaky breath. “Do you want to…?”

“Let’s go.”

They started walking down the road, Louis shooting a quick text to Zayn to let him know he was leaving.

The hike up the hill to his cabin was about ten minutes long and he and Harry undertook it in silence. The anticipation was hanging thickly between them, making things awkward. Louis’ breath was coming in short which he couldn’t entirely blame on the harsh wind and uphill walk. He had no idea what they were going to do once they got to their destination. With his usual hookups he knew what he was in for, but this was Harry. Though Louis couldn’t be sure, he didn’t think Harry had ever been with a guy before.

He glanced sideways at Harry and accidentally caught his eye. Both were quick to look away. Nervous laughter escaped him then and Harry soon joined in. It had the nice effect of breaking the tension that had been engulfing them. The rest of the walk was much more relaxed, though the anticipation was still there and neither dared to break the quiet.

“Hello?” Louis called out into the dark house, stepping through the front door and making room for Harry to follow him into the pleasantly warm entrance.

“We’re alone.”

The door closed with a bang.

“Good,” was the only thing Harry said before he was on him, not wasting any time to kiss Louis deeply while he pulled on the zipper of his coat to get it off him.

Louis did the same for Harry, throwing his beanie in the general direction of the coatrack before he kicked off his own shoes. They had to break apart so Harry could take his off too. He had heavy boots on and bend over to untie them. With practised politeness Louis averted his eyes, but soon turned back when he realized he was now allowed to look and no one was going to call him out on it.

He hadn’t counted on Harry, who knowingly smirked at him with both eyebrows raised. “Like what you see?”

“Come here,” Louis urged him when he set his boots aside and engaged him in another deep kiss, pressing their chests together as close as was possible.

One of his hands went up into Harry’s hair. That afternoon he’d dreamed of just this and upon awakening he hadn’t been sure he’d actually slept at all, as it had felt like an elaborate daydream. But the reality was so much better, so much more detailed, attacking every one of his senses all at once.

Harry had both his hands fisted on the back of Louis’ shirt as he withdrew. His face was completely flushed but he met Louis’ gaze with cocky confidence,

“Do you want to go lie down?”

Those words made Louis lightheaded with how fast his blood was running away from his brain. Holy motherfucking shit this was so happening. He swallowed hard.

“I need water,” he uttered like the suave casanova he apparently wasn’t, but his throat was suddenly so dry that he walked to the kitchen area, filling up a glass.

Harry followed him there and Louis offered the water to him, getting another for himself. Both kept their eyes on each other as they drank. The glass made a heavy clunk as Louis put it on the counter a bit too uncontrolled. His hands were faintly shaking. He hoped Harry didn’t notice. Fuck. He hadn’t counted on being this nervous.

“Okay. Where were we?”

Harry smirked before moving in, pressing him against the counter. After a minute or so he was again the first to break their lip lock,

“Can we go and lie down now?”

Louis could only nod in reply and led them to his bed that he hadn’t made after his afternoon nap. Once there he hesitated, but Harry gave him no time to overthink, drawing him back in to a kiss as he started to descend and tried to pull Louis down onto the bed with him.

Stumbling, he landed halfway on top of Harry, bracing himself with his hands landing just an inch from Harry’s face.

“Fuck.”

Harry just laughed.

“Idiot.”

In reply, Harry put his hand on Louis’ neck and pulled him in. Louis moved so he was lying on his side, pulling at Harry to make him face him.

“Harry…”

“Lou.”

For a few seconds they just looked at each other. Harry’s lips were so red and enticing that Louis couldn’t help but trace the bottom one with his thumb, move in, and replace it with his mouth. They made out like that for a while. Louis had just started to feel Harry up over his clothes when Harry pulled back to catch his breath. He was a sight to behold with his untidy hair and flushed face.

The sight of him lying so close on his bed made Louis’ pulse kick up even more than it already was. The heated tension between them kept building and building, every kiss arousing him more to a point that it became almost unbearable, like he was burning up on the inside. Something had to give.

He decided Harry didn’t need all those clothes on him.

He went for his shirt first since that seemed like a good place to start. He had gotten the first three buttons undone when Harry placed a hand over his,

“Let’s keep our clothes on for now. Is that okay?” He gave him an almost apologetic look.

Louis stopped his fingers from unbuttoning a fourth button. “Yeah, of course.”

He now made to do his shirt up again which had Harry laughing.

“There you go,” Louis said as he finished, smiling, lying back and taking a moment to compose himself.

Now he knew sex was off the table for tonight, at least some of the anticipation and tension dissipated but he was still very much turned on. He would live, though. He just needed a breather.

Harry rolled halfway on top of him, putting both hands on his chest. “Thanks.” He too was smiling.

This new position alerted Louis to the fact that Harry was hard in his jeans and his own dick jerked in sympathy. Harry looked at him with a smile in his eyes, biting his lip. He had never looked sexier. Louis’ stomach dropped and his dick gave another jerk. He changed his mind on that he would live; this man was going to be the death of him for sure.

Harry leaned down and put his mouth back on him, but this time it was less urgent, more sweet and affectionate. Louis took to it immediately. He too could use a break from the smouldering heat that they’d been cooking up just a few minutes ago. This was perfect to cool down.

Almost an hour and an uncountable amount of kisses later he let Harry out. Louis didn’t want to let him go, but both weren’t keen on their friends finding them, so he let him leave. Louis watched Harry walk away until he disappeared in the cold darkness.

He closed the door and tried to resist for all of five seconds before he caved, hastily unzipping his pants.

Jerking off quickly was something he had down to the core, had to as he was hardly ever alone for more than five minutes at a time and always having to put it on hold for when he would take a shower was a pain, but this surely had to be a new record outside of his early teens as he was coming quick and dirty before he’d even managed to take a step away from the front door. Luckily he had the good sense to use the hand that was not busy furiously working himself to catch his release. He exhaled harshly as a stab of pleasure went through his stomach. It was followed by an immense sense of relief as the sexual tension and build up of the night finally had an outlet. Shit, he needed that.

When he came back to himself the realization that he’d just rubbed one out in the hallway of all places hit him. He let out a laugh at the craziness of the entire night and undertook the trip to the bathroom where he cleaned up and got ready for bed, all the while wondering if Harry was also taking care of himself as he’d surely be back by now. His mind provided vivid images of what that might look like. He settled on hot; it would be damn hot.

After wrapping himself up in the duvet he checked his phone. Harry had texted him.

Am home

Good. How’s Niall?

My bed smells of you

Hes sleepin

I wish my bed smlls like u

I’m sure we can make that happen😏

Tomorrw?

Ok

😀

Can’t wait

❤

Tired

Go to sleep

😘

😘😘

Night

Goodnight

A heart. Harry had sent him a heart. It was just a smiley. It didn’t mean anything, yet he couldn’t hold back a happy smile as he curled up tighter.


	3. It's Time to Figure Things Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes out.

Gemma was sorting through her emails when Harry joined her on the couch.

“Hey.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much.”

Her attention back on the screen, Gemma opened the fourth email from her car insurance company who were spamming her if she wanted to upgrade to a more complete package. Nope. She hit delete. The next one up was from her uncle. She’d already read it on her phone yesterday, but opened it anyway to send a reply.

“Uncle John sent an email,” she told her brother.

“Okay, cool. Tell him hi from me?”

Gemma nodded as she started to type about what she’d been up to in the last few weeks. John was her father’s brother and both Gemma and Harry had a strong connection with him and his wife Susan. They didn’t have any children of their own, but in a way helped raise both her and her brother as they lived just a few streets down from their place when they were growing up, before moving to another area when Gemma had been eighteen and wasn’t home much anyway. Nowadays they only saw each other a few times a year at most, but the bond between them was still strong and they mostly kept in contact with emails and the occasional phone call.

“Anything else?” she asked Harry.

“Not really.”

Okay, wow. More often than not Harry would dictate what he wanted Gemma to write, telling all kinds of stories that she _really needed to add, no really Gemma, uncle John needs to hear all about my_ boring ass _trip to this tiny supermarket in this small town where I found this amazing pineapple_ , which would annoy her to no end because then Harry could just pick up his own laptop and for once send a message of his own. Usually she would just pass him hers and let him type it himself. But apparently today Harry wasn’t in the mood.

She finished and put her laptop aside. Looking over he saw that Harry was fidgeting with his clothes. Something was up. Maybe now she would find out what had been bugging him all week long. Harry had been in a bad mood going on for days, ever since he’d been home really, though he’d denied anything was wrong when Gemma had asked him previously. She hadn’t bought it.

“What’s up?” she tried now.

Harry’s head shot up as if caught.

“Nothing.”

“I know something’s on your mind, you’ve been a total bitch all week.”

He huffed out an indignant breath, “Fuck off.”

“It’s true. And then you say everything’s fine when I ask what’s wrong. That’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. But you know you can talk to me, right?”

At first there was silence, but when Gemma caught Harry’s eye she raised her eyebrows, making it clear she was expecting an answer.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Comfortable silence fell over them now.

After a few minutes Harry was the first to break it.

“You’re coming to Niall’s party tomorrow, right?”

“Yup.”

“Okay cool. It’s gonna be a blast.”

“For sure, there’s going to be booze and hot people all around, what more do we need?”

“Did you forget you already have a boyfriend?”

“Nope. But you’re single and ready to mingle, right? Maybe you should get laid, that’ll improve your bitchiness for sure!” She pushed at Harry’s shoulder, laughing. Harry just looked sour.

“Come on bro, it’s just a joke. Loosen up a little.”

“Screw you.”

Gemma couldn’t help herself, “Nah, screw somebody else tomorrow. It’ll make you feel better! I mean, it’s been some time, yeah?”

She was pretty sure Harry hadn’t hooked up with someone in a while, not that she kept score, but Harry wasn’t much the type for one night stands and he’d been single for a while now. She was mostly joking around but now she thought about it, maybe getting laid really _would_ help him relax. If anything, it would certainly be relaxing for Gemma if Harry was less mopey. Okay, so her motives were kind of selfish, so what.

“Actually, no,” Harry said.

“Hmm?”

“It hasn’t been that long.”

Gemma looked at him expectantly.

“I was dating someone, but we broke up.”

Gemma didn’t know how to respond to that except to raise her eyebrows. This was the first she was hearing about it. How could she not have known that Harry had been seeing someone? Why wouldn’t he have told her?

“Don’t you want to know who it was?”

Gemma really wasn’t sure were this was going. She and Harry usually didn’t keep much secrets between them so there must be a good reason she had never heard of this before.

“Uh, sure.”

Harry opened his mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out. He looked really awkward. Gemma was now thinking that the reason behind this and why Harry hadn’t told her before probably had to do with the girl he’d been dating. But who could it be? Always the more impatient one, she started to guess.

“Is it Susannah? Because, I know I badmouth her sometimes, but really, she’s alright. I could like her if you really liked her.” No she couldn't, Susannah was a bitch, but Gemma was willing to pretend for her brother’s sake.

“It wasn’t her.”

“Rachel?” Gemma guessed. Not that there would be a reason to hide dating her; she was a long time friend of both of them.

“No, oh my God, she’s like a sister to me.”

“Well, then I don’t know.” She really had no clue so she was done guessing, looking at Harry expectantly. Harry looked away quickly, dropping his gaze to his lap.

“It was…” He cleared his throat. “It was a guy.”

His eyes quickly shot up to Gemma, fixing her with a look as if daring her to say something, but Gemma had no words right now.

Voice more cautious, Harry continued, “We were together for like five months. But he… We broke up last week. So.”

Again he looked at Gemma, his eyes shifting around as if he was afraid of what she would do with this new information. Gemma’s head was in a jumble with all the implications this brought and she didn’t know where to start. She tried to focus on the most important part, which was being there for Harry. The rest could follow later.

“Did you want to break up?”

There was no reaction at first but then Harry turned away and shook his head, suddenly looking like he was holding back tears. Harry hardly ever cried but Gemma knew the signs. She immediately felt bad for him.

“That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

He took a deep breath, “I don’t really know. I thought we were fine but all of a sudden he wanted to let the whole world know about us and I… Just, no.” He sighed.

“Why not?”

Harry looked at her like she was crazy. “Why do you think?!”

“Well I don’t know.”

Harry raised both his eyebrows in disbelieve like he couldn’t understand how Gemma wasn’t getting something so obvious.

“It’s not like anyone would care if you’re boning a dude.”

“No?” His face fell.

“No,” Gemma said, shaking her head for emphasis. Harry looked at the floor again, a frown forming on his forehead.

“Did you think _I_ would mind?” she needed to know. It seemed to be the only plausible reason why Harry hadn’t told her about any of this before. Harry shrugged nonchalantly but the anxiousness on his face belied his reaction.

“Bro. I don’t care who you put your dick in, as long as you’re happy.” She grabbed Harry and hugged him tight, placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “I love you, man.”

Harry gave a tiny smile, looking somewhat relieved. “Thanks.”

“What, no love for me?”

“No, you’re a pain in the ass!” he pushed her away, but Gemma was glad to see the smile was expanding.

“ _You’re_ the pain in the ass.”

Harry stuck out his tongue at her and before she knew it they were wrestling each other. Harry soon got the upper hand, getting Gemma in a headlock, pulling painfully at her hair.

“Mercy, mercy!”

“Do you admit you’re a pain in the ass?”

“Yes, just stop!”

Harry let her go, moving away from her to get some space.

“You haven’t told me his name,” Gemma commented as she pulled her sweater back in place, hands going through her hair to make sure she hadn’t ended up with a bald spot.

“Ha, no…” Harry said evasively, while the redness of his cheeks became more pronounced.

“Do I know him?” Gemma asked, though she pretty much knew the answer by how Harry reacted just now. Harry’s silence only confirmed this.

“I’ll figure it out.”

It was back to the guessing game. They knew a lot of people, but most of them were straight as far as Gemma was aware. This guy was probably out as he hadn’t wanted to keep his and Harry’s relationship a secret. So, who did they both know that was gay? Peter was the first that came to mind, but he had a steady boyfriend. Craig was probably too young. Also, she didn’t think Craig was Harry’s type, though Gemma wasn’t sure if she could translate Harry’s usual preferences for certain type of girls to guys. It was a whole different ballgame now, in a field that Gemma played in herself, but now it was different. It would take some time getting used to, but she would get there, she was sure. Racking her brain, she came up with Roger who mostly hooked up with chicks, but Gemma remembered how he had once boasted about spending a night with a somewhat semi-famous guy whose name Gemma couldn’t recall, so he was probably bisexual or something like that. Wait. Her mind screeched to a halt as it clicked. _Bisexual dudes hooked up with dudes too_. Of course. It kind of made sense with the way Harry had been acting. She was sure of her answer when she said,

“It’s Louis, isn’t it?”

Harry gave a curt nod, color still high on his cheeks.

“Well. You picked a handsome one.”

“You think he’s handsome?”

“What else am I supposed to say? I don’t know,” Gemma threw her hands up in defeat and laughed. “I mean, the guy is pretty good looking. Don’t you agree?”

Harry started to fidget again. “I guess. But that’s not the only reason I like him. He’s so…” He let out a sigh. “He’s just really cool.”

Gemma smirked at the expression on Harry’s face. “He makes you feel all funny in your tummy?”

“Oh my God, shut up.” Harry gave her a shove. Gemma laughed but as she did so she was realizing two things at once. First, no matter how he tried to play it down, Harry cared deeply for Louis. Second, he was hurting and Gemma wanted to fix that, but knew she couldn’t. A battle plan was needed.

“You need to get him back.”

“He doesn’t want to be with me anymore.”

She thought about it for a moment before formulating an answer. “You said you two broke up because he didn’t want to keep it a secret?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, don’t keep it a secret. Tell people.” In the way of solutions, this one seemed pretty simple, really.

Harry huffed out a breath. “I don’t think --”

“You just told me, and that was okay, wasn’t it? So just chill. It’s going to be fine. You can tell Niall tomorrow.”

“What?”

“Oh! You know what? We can have diner at mom’s! Then you can tell them, too! I’ll call them right now!”

“What?! No no no.”

The panic in his voice made Gemma look at him and she saw how uncomfortable Harry was with this idea. Fuck. It dawned on her that she shouldn’t pressure Harry to say anything, as it wasn’t her story to tell. Though she really wanted to help him, Gemma knew she couldn’t imagine what it was like for Harry to go through this. Apparently he had been coping with this for months and was only now telling her while they usually told each other pretty much everything. In a way she was kind of hurt that Harry hadn’t confided in her before. She was sure she could’ve helped him figure shit out. Now wasn’t the time to get into that, however. What Harry needed right now was her support and she would always be willing to give him that.

“I’m sorry,” she therefore said, “I didn’t mean to push.”

Harry nodded, accepting the apology, a look of contemplation on his face. They were silent for a while.

“What will mom and dad say?”

“What do you think?” Gemma put the question back to him.

Harry obviously had thought about this before, maybe had been thinking about it for months. She couldn’t shake the feeling that it must’ve been hard for him and that she hadn’t been there to help Harry through it, though that obviously hadn’t been by her choice.

“Mom will probably be okay with it, right, because she taught us to be accepting of all people no matter what or who they are.”

“I think so too,” Gemma encouraged him.

“But dad… I don’t know. He’s said before that he hopes we will give him grandchildren and he expects us to marry before we do. I don’t know.” He shrugged.

“Well I’m totally marrying Michael and having a bunch of kids with him, so that’s taken care of.”

Harry looked surprised at that. “Does Michael know?”

“Not yet. There’s no rush.”

Harry laughed but still managed to look quite miserable.

“You can marry and have kids with a man, if you want to.”

“Sure. I don’t think that’s what dad meant though.”

That was probably true. She’d never thought about if her parents would mind one of their children being not-so-straight, simply because she had never needed to. Though she was almost sure it wouldn’t be a problem, she could understand why Harry would be uncertain about telling them.

“I think it will be fine. And no matter what you decide to do, I’ll back you up, always.”

Harry smiled gratefully, “Thanks, sis.”

The next night they drove over in a cab to Niall’s place.

They were one of the first few to arrive which meant they could catch up with their friend.

“Feeling better?” Niall asked.

The three of them had hung out together a few days ago during which Harry had been quiet pretty much all day, claiming he was tired, just lazing around and not really joining in on all the fun. 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah.”

“Good, ‘cause Lauren has been bugging me for days to make sure you’d be here tonight. She’s been single for a few months.”

Niall raised his eyebrows though it wasn’t needed to get his message across. Harry understood perfectly. A few months earlier he would’ve been excited. Lauren was a very pretty girl and she had a personality to match her appearance. They’d always had some sort of tension lingering around them but had never acted on it, mostly because they hadn’t ever been single at the same time and no matter what people thought of him, he wasn’t a cheater.

They would probably be a good match. There was just one thing wrong with the timing now; both Harry’s heart and head were completely preoccupied by someone else and there just wasn’t room for another, not even for Lauren.

Niall smirked, “It’s finally gonna happen between you two! Oh, we’ve waited _years_ for this.”

“Nah,” Harry answered.

“What? Why not?”

He shrugged.

“Wait, are you dating someone?”

“Er..”

“Who’s the lucky chick, eh?”

Harry didn’t know how to answer. He looked over at Gemma who just raised her eyebrows at him. Totally useless, his sister was. He picked at the label on his beer bottle.

“There’s no girl. I just..” he couldn’t finish. Why was it so hard to say? It was so fucking stupid. He glanced at Gemma again, hoping he’d help him out.

“Harry likes dudes!” Gemma blurted out.

Well, that wasn’t exactly how he would’ve put it, but okay. It got the message across, he supposed. At least Niall seemed to take it at face value which was a miracle all in itself, and pursed his lips in thought, calmly nodding.

“So you’re gay now?”

“What? No!”

“It’s cool if you are though.”

“Yeah, but like, I still like chicks, too.”

“So you’re bisexual,” was Niall’s simple conclusion, looking like he couldn’t care less that his friend whom he had known for more than two decades suddenly turned out to not be entirely straight.

Harry was stunned. It had taken him the better part of six months to figure out what dating a guy and liking it exactly meant for his sexuality and had only just found a sensible answer, but here one of his best friends was offering an explanation within three seconds. Huh. 

“Probably,” he said, “I mean, I think so. It’s weird. And there’s just this one guy, really.”

Gemma took a sip from her fruity drink before she pointed at Harry, adapting a faux stage whisper,

“He’s head over heels for Louis.”

“Oh my God, will you fucking shut up?!” Harry tried not to be affected but he could feel the heat creep up into his face, though the beer he’d been drinking was also taking its effect.

“Tomlinson, really?” Niall asked, amused. Gemma nodded and leaned in to ruffle Harry’s hair, but Harry pushed her away before she could reach. “Fuck off.”

“Aw, is my little darling baby brother too embarrassed to admit he loooves Louis?”

If it was possible, Harry blushed even more. Niall was used to these kind of antics between brother and sister and it was second nature for him to either join in or ignore it.

“So, why isn’t he here?”

“We’re not together,” Harry quickly supplied before Gemma could blurt out more stuff that he really didn’t need everyone to know.

“But he’s the one you like?”

“I mean, he’s…” He stopped there, but the exasperated look Gemma gave him made him confirm it, “Yeah.”

“Then go get him.”

“That’s what I said!” Gemma raised her hand and high fived Niall like they’d just come up with the most brilliant idea ever. Harry looked at the both of them, unimpressed. Like it really was that simple.

“What?” Niall asked before he suddenly gasped, “Oh man, think of all the crying girls when you two get together!”

“Dude.”

“No, but for real.” Another gasp, “Aw shit, the two of you could probably get threesomes all the time!”

Harry raised his eyebrows.

“Or like, foursomes! That’s a thing, right?” Gemma added.

“Everything’s a thing if you want it to be.”

Gemma smiled, “Two guys, two girls. Sounds kinda great if you’re into that.”

“You could also do three guys and one girl,” Niall supplied, showing his fingers to keep up with the numbers.

“Four guys! That’s like, a gangbang?”

“I think that’s a fuck train?”

“Yeah, I think you’re right! We could totally film that and sell it.” Gemma looked at Harry then, a spark of excitement in her eyes. “Think of the money we’d make!”

“Fuck you both,” Harry said as he started to walk away from them, Niall and Gemma laughing their asses off.

“Hey, that’s incest!” Niall yelled after him. Harry raised his middle finger over his shoulder as he kept up his pace. It only set them off more.

Niall watched Harry go, still cracking up.

“Is he alright?” he asked Gemma after they’d calmed down somewhat.

“Ah, he’s okay. I think he got his heart broken though.”

“For real? By fucking Tomlinson?”

“Yeah.”

“Give me that fucking asshole’s number, I’ll tear him a new one right now!” Niall might be a little buzzed already but no one messed with his friends and got away with it. Now he thought about it, he was sure he had never liked that stupid blue eyed wonder anyway.

“No, it’s… They’d been dating for a few months but he apparently dumped him because Harry wouldn’t go public and he didn’t want to sneak around anymore.”

“Oh. Shit,” he deflated.

“Yeah.”

They stood there for a while, drinking their beverages in companionable silence. The party around them was truly taking off now, more and more people arriving as the music blared through the speakers, some people coming up to greet them.

“He didn’t even tell me until yesterday.”

“What, really?” Niall didn’t think Harry and Gemma had any secrets between them. “Why?”

“Fuck knows. Maybe he thought I wouldn’t be down with the gay or whatever.” Again, she felt anger bubbling up inside while she said this.

“Didn’t he tell anyone?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Stubborn little shit, thinking that he has to handle everything on his own.”

Gemma laughed, “That’s my baby brother alright.”

“Yeah.” Niall finished off his beer. “Do you think we can do anything to help?”

“Hmm, I think the only thing we can do is just be there for him, you know? And maybe get him a bit drunk tonight.”

“Yeah. And mess Tomlinson up the next time I see him.”

“Good plan,” Gemma agreed.

The next morning Harry woke up after only a few hours of sleep. After a trip to the bathroom he tried to fall asleep again, but it was to no avail. His brain was wide awake even though his body could certainly use more rest; he wasn’t even sure he was fully sober yet. His mind was whirring, thinking about how at the party last night friends and people he hardly even knew had come up to him to say they thought it was cool that he was now also into dudes or some variation of that. There’d even been a vaguely familiar guy who had hit on him, trying to take him home, but Harry couldn’t’ve been less interested though the dude had been nice to talk to. More and more it seemed like he didn’t want to date any guy but the one that didn’t want to date him anymore. That was a pretty shitty predicament but he didn’t know what to do about it. It was cool though that his friends were fine with it and Harry hadn’t thought about the consequences of telling too much, which was in part due to the copious amounts of beer and hard liquor, even though most of the telling had been done by Gemma with his permission. Now, in broad daylight and with a lot less alcohol in his blood, he realized that the story was likely to spread around like wildfire. Which meant that his mom would find out, possibly from her neighbours, who coincidentally also were Jake’s parents. Who’d been at the party last night. And still lived at home. Shit. Something needed to be done right now.

He grabbed his phone.

“Hey Harry, you’re up early,” his mom answered after only a few rings.

“Hi mom.”

Now that he had her on the phone he wasn’t sure how to start. How could he explain all of this? Luckily, his mother was never out of things to talk about.

“Did you have fun last night at Niall’s?”

“Yeah, it was a good time.”

They talked some more about the party and how Harry and Gemma’s friends were doing but when they reached the subject of Jake, Harry felt uneasy and he knew he couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer.

“Mom.”

She stopped right in the middle of her story. “Yes?”

“I have to tell you something. Robin too.” His heart was beating out of his chest.

“Okay,” she said, cheerful as ever, “Should I put you on speaker? Robin’s right here.”

Oh God, no. “No, just tell him later.”

“Okay.”

Harry tried to get all his courage together but when he opened his mouth the words wouldn’t come. There was silence for a few seconds before he cleared his throat, took a deep breath and tried again.

“I…” Silence again. He exhaled harshly in defeat. Why was it so hard to just say it?

“Honey, what is it?” His mom was now starting to sound concerned.

Another sigh. Harry forced himself to say actual words this time. “It’s just… Last week-- no. I guess I should start some months ago.” He took another steadying breath to cool his head. “There was this-- I felt.. hmm. I never had, before. And then we… and it was good for a while. Like, really good. But then he left. Because I couldn’t. I didn’t get it. And now everything’s gone to shit.” Tears of frustration were welling up behind his closed eyelids, but they still refused to spill.

“Harry, honey, I don’t understand what you’re talking about. You’re worrying me.”

In the background he could hear Robin asking her what was going on.

“Where’s your sister?” she asked.

He was barely able to keep his voice steady as he wiped at his runny nose. “She’s asleep.” Just like he himself should’ve been at this hour.

“Do you want to go and wake her up?”

He understood why she asked but Gemma couldn’t help him right now. He needed to do this alone.

“No, not really.”

She sighed as Harry sniffled. “I’m worried that you’re not alright.”

“I’m just sad. It’ll be okay.”

There was a pause.

“What happened? You can tell me, you know, you can tell me anything.”

When Harry didn’t reply she went on, “You know it’ll make you feel better.”

She used her soft, motherly voice that, growing up, had always made him feel like everything would be alright no matter what. It was finally enough.

The tears now started to fall down his cheeks as he broke and couldn’t hold it in anymore, not like he’d been doing for the past week. His defences teared down completely, sitting there in his bed clutching the phone to his ear, gasping for breath, struggling to get enough oxygen into his lungs in between massive body wrecking sobs.

“Just breathe, honey. Breathe,” the calming voice of his mother penetrated his brain.

“Focus on my voice and breathe with me. In and out. In and out.” She went on like this for a while and finally Harry started to calm down, the burning in his lungs lessening. Silent tears were still making their way down his heated cheeks onto his chest. When they finally came to a halt he wiped at his face. God, he suddenly felt drained.

“Are you back with me?”

“Yeah,” he answered, voice breaking.

“Good. Stay put, we’re coming over right now.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Harry protested, but his mom simply said,

“Robin is already getting the car.”

“Okay.” He knew at this point that it was futile to argue with her.

“Do you want to stay on the phone until we’re there? I can switch to my mobile.”

Shit, he must’ve really scared her if she was suggesting that. She hated being on the phone in the car, even if she wasn’t the one behind the wheel.

“No, I’m good for now.”

“Okay, then I’ll let you go. But call me if you need to. Or wake your sister up.”

“I will.”

“Good. Hang in there honey. We’ll see you in a little bit.”

“See you soon.”

He dropped his phone on the bed as he lay back, his mind whirling. There was a small sense of relief after finally letting out the emotions he’d been cropping up all week, unable and not wanting to let his feelings show and to give into them. In a way it had felt good to let it out, though he was a bit embarrassed about it. It was a miracle he hadn’t woken Gemma up with all the noise he’d been making, but she usually slept like the dead, even more so after a night of drinking.

The relief only lasted a short while as his overactive brain reminded him that he still hadn’t told his mom and stepdad anything. And now they were coming over. Fuck. He wasn’t sure he would be able to tell them face to face because it meant he would have to see their reactions. He didn’t know if he wanted to be there for that. He was sure it was something he would never be able to forget, and if they took it badly… Well, he just didn’t want to see them loving him any less. Even if he did want to tell them in person it was likely that he wouldn’t be able get the words out just like he had stuttered on the phone a few minutes ago. Then what? He was sure his mom would not leave until he had told her what was up. Telling them to their face was just not a good idea on all accounts. 

He grabbed his phone from somewhere between the sheets and opened a new message to his mom. _I’m bisexual_. He paused there, staring at the screen for half a minute, undecided. They were just words. Small words, that could change so much. Words, that held such power. Harry sighed. There was just no way around it. He needed to tell them one way or another before they found out from someone else. Fuck it all. He hit send.

A few seconds later he started to panic. What had he done? But there was no fixing it now. He looked at his phone and saw that the message hadn’t been read yet. Shit! His heart was in his throat again. What could he do now? He quickly send another message, _sorry_. He looked at the screen for a while, seeing his second message being delivered, but his mom still didn’t read them. He looked at the time. They’d be here in half an hour or so. He couldn’t sit here staring at his phone all that time, he was already going nuts now. The ideal thing to do was go for a run but there wasn’t enough time. Deciding a shower would maybe help clear his thoughts he got out of bed. If nothing else, he could at least try to drown his anxiety.

Ten minutes later he was back in his bedroom. He tried to ignore the presence of his phone sitting on his bed but it was impossible. Unlocking it he saw that he had two missed calls, both from his mom. As he held his phone it began to ring a third time. Harry just stared at it, unmoving. He didn’t know what to do and he was scared. Luckily, time did not stand still and just as it had begun his phone stopped ringing, a notification sound signalling he had another missed call.

Crisis averted for another few minutes or so, he rubbed his hand over his face before he got dressed. Just as he was pulling on a shirt his phone chimed, signalling that he had a message. Harry looked at his device like it was the devil. He tried to ignore the blinking light but he found he couldn’t, anxiety kicking up another few notches which he did not think was possible. With a sinking feeling he unlocked his phone. There was just one message, from his mom. It simply said, _we love you no matter what._ Harry let out an embarrassing sound but luckily no one was there to hear. His eyes started to burn but he had no tears left to cry. Sweet relief washed over him. It was going to be okay.

He finished dressing and took the time left to clear some of the crap from the living room to make it look as if he and Gemma knew something about housekeeping. As he was putting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher he heard a car drive up. Harry opened the front door just in time to see his stepdad park outside, his mother looking at him through the window as she prepared to step out of the car. Harry moved back into the house, suddenly overcome with nerves again though he had thought he was done with that now. He just had to flee the scene. He left the door open for them to enter as he quickly got out of sight. Facing themwas inevitable, he knew that, but he could stall it for sure. Soon he heard footsteps down the hall leading to the kitchen where he was now messing with the coffee maker.

“Hi honey,” his mom’s voice sounded from behind.

“Hi,” he answered, keeping his back turned to his visitors because he had to focus on making the coffee. If you didn’t do it just right and didn’t pay enough attention to getting the right amount of beans and grind them to perfection then it would taste like crap.

“Harry.” That was his stepdad. A frown appeared on his forehead as he couldn’t get the now grinded beans into the machine thingy. This stupid expensive coffee maker that Gemma insisted on buying was terrible. Sure, if you managed, the coffee tasted great. But if you didn’t manage…

There was a hand on his shoulder. As he turned his stepdad enveloped him in a big hug. Harry froze. Robin didn’t let go of him, only hugging him tighter.

“It’s okay, son.”

Those words unlocked something inside him and he hugged him back, one arm blindly groping for his mom to join in. She kissed his cheek.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” his mom replied, “Nothing at all.”

Harry hugged them both tighter.

“Is this why you were so sad on the phone?”

There was no response for a few seconds, but eventually he nodded, face pressed to the top of her head. It wasn’t the whole truth but for now it was enough. They didn’t need to know how he messed everything up and was heartbroken because of it.

How long they held on to each other they did not know. Eventually they moved to the living room with breakfast for Harry and a pot of tea for all of them, having given up on the evil coffee machine.

They settled on both couches, Harry taking one for his own. There was silence for a few seconds as he poured the tea. When he glanced over at his parents he saw that they were looking at him expectantly.

“Can we ask..?” Robin started but he did not finish his sentence.

Harry nodded in reply, “Sure.” Now that it was out there he supposed he could tell them about it. As long as he didn’t have to speak about his failed relationship.

“How long have you known?”

“Er… a few months.”

Both his mom and stepdad looked surprised, but he didn’t know why they would be.

“How did you find out?” his mom followed up.

That was one question he wasn’t ready to answer. He picked up his bowl of cereal and almost aggressively stuffed his mouth, rendering him unable to speak. He could not tell them how he had found himself crushing on a friend he had known for over a decade all those months ago, and how that had caused a mental whirlwind of questioning and denying himself, only adding a new layer of insecurity when said friend had eventually kissed him and he’d liked it way more than he thought he should have.

Luckily, his mom seemed to pick up on his uncomfortableness and changed tactics.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

Still chewing through a massive amount of cereal, Harry shook his head.

“But you like a boy? A guy, I mean. A man?” It was almost comical to hear her struggle with proper wording.

He gave half a shrug. “Like, for a bit. But that’s over,” he added when he was able to talk again. He wasn’t willing to say more about it.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she sympathised. “Was he the one that made you realize?”

Harry took another mouthful before he nodded. After a short silence his mom said,

“We don’t mind, honey. It’s all the same to us. I’m just sorry it made you feel sad.”

“We’re you afraid we’d take it badly?” his stepdad asked.

“I don’t know, I wasn’t sure.”

“Harry. We love you. That won’t ever change, no matter what you do or who you want to be with. Sure, we weren’t expecting this anymore, but that’s alright. It’s all fine.”

“It is,” his stepdad affirmed.

It made him smile. He hadn’t been sure what would happen, but of course this was the reaction he’d been hoping for. They really didn’t care. Not a sentence that would normally make him glad. There was just one thing.

“Why did you say you were not expecting this anymore?” He put emphasis on the last word. It had come off as odd to him that his mom would say something like that.

His mom smiled and her face turned soft. She shared a look with Robin before her gaze turned back to him.

“When you were younger, we at one time thought you might be gay.”

“What?! Why?”

“As soon as Gemma hit puberty she was always in love with one boy or another, but that was never you. We didn’t think too much of that; Gemma’s a big flirt, we all know this.”

Harry huffed out a laugh. It was the truth, alright.

“But when you were 14 or so you came home one day and all you could talk about was this guy that you met and how awesome you thought he was. You were gushing over him for quite some time and the way you went on sounded like you had a crush on him. It was then that we figured it could be a possibility that you were gay. We discussed it and I thought maybe we had to do something.”

Harry frowned. It did not sound familiar at all. His mom looked at him intensely, mistaking his frown for something else.

“I don’t mean do something about you possibly being gay, but do something as in let you know that it was fine with us. I even talked to a children’s psychologist that I knew at work about how we could support you, and he said it was probably best to wait and let you come to us on your own terms and in the meantime show we didn’t think any different of people who were gay. We were waiting for you to tell us when you were ready, but then you started dating a girl and we thought, ‘oh well, we were wrong’. But now I guess maybe we weren’t. Not completely.”

“I really don’t remember any of that,” he said. This was all getting very confusing just when he’d thought he’d finally figured himself out.

“You wouldn’t, I suppose. We never said anything. Besides, you befriended him and that was the end of it. Then you showed up with Heather and we were sure we’d been wrong.”

Heather had been Harry’s first real girlfriend and though their end had been hard he still held fond memories of her and their time together. They had shared a lot of firsts with each other and she would always hold a special place in his heart, even though they never saw each other anymore.

“Who was he, anyway?”

“Oh it doesn’t matter,” his mom said at the same time that his stepdad supplied, “Louis.”

Harry blanched. This was a bad joke, right? It must’ve been clear on his face that he was shocked, for his mother said,

“Maybe we shouldn’t have told you… But you were so young and we were wrong, so –”

“It’s fine,” he cut her off. The last thing he wanted was having them talk about Louis. He couldn’t take it.

“Such a sweet young man. He was very kind when he came to visit for the summer.”

“Mom.” He really needed to stop her talking about him if he didn’t want to break down in front of his parents.

“That was quite a while back, I don’t even know when we’ve seen him last. He always comes to talk to us when we’re watching you and Gemma at the games.”

What. Louis talked to them? That surprised him. He’d only ever met Louis’ mom, just the once, and he was sure he could not pick her out of a crowd.

“You should invite him to stay again.”

“We’re not that close anymore, not really.”

That was definitely true. In hindsight maybe he should’ve never started something with him, that way he wouldn’t have lost him completely, even as a friend, and he wouldn’t feel the heartache that had accompanied him for the past week. It was unbearable to think back to just two weeks ago when he had been so blissfully happy, watching Louis snore softly in his sleep right next to him while thinking about asking him if he wanted to get away for a few weeks, just the two of them. It didn’t fit in either of their busy schedules, but they could make it work somehow. Only a few days after that it had all come crashing down on him. And now here he was, miserable and unsure he would even speak another word with him, though it was inevitable that they would meet again. He’d never even gotten to ask about the holiday. Maybe he never would. But he would try.


	4. Finally, Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis figure it out.

Louis saw Harry as soon as he entered the room even though he wasn’t anywhere near him. He’d always been highly perceptive of Harry’s presence anywhere ever since the day they met. Unfortunately it didn’t seem like that would stop now, not even after all that had happened between them. It would be better if it did stop. He didn’t want to think about Harry at all. His thoughts were halted by Steve who came up to him and greeted him and his friends.

“Hey man, what’s up.”

He easily slid into relax mode and distracted himself by catching up with his friends. It worked right up until Harry was suddenly right there, first greeting his buddies before he lastly turned to Louis.

“Hi,” Harry offered, looking at him with apprehension in his eyes. He didn’t smile but he went in for a hug. Louis did not refuse him but kept it short before surreptitiously taking a step back. He needed space. He’d mentally prepared himself before coming here, knowing he would see Harry again, but now it seemed like that had not helped him. At all.

“Hey.”

All those weeks of convincing himself he really didn’t need Harry and he didn’t like him that much anyway went out the window right there, and all that Harry apparently had to do to accomplish this was stand before him. Fuck this. He tried to play it cool, keeping his face straight without showing any emotion.

“How are you?” Harry asked, his voice steady though he was still looking at him with big eyes that seemed weary.

“Good.”

They hadn’t spoken since Louis had asked Harry to stop texting and calling, guilt tripping him into compliance by reminding him that he had honored his request by keeping his mouth shut for him, so could he please honor Louis’ request to have no contact with him. He hadn’t heard a peep from him since. It had been a cruel but necessary cut-off.

“Yeah,” Harry said, nodding awkwardly. Louis kept silent, not even doing him the courtesy of returning the question.

The situation turned awkward quickly but he didn’t care. He was still so frustrated with Harry. But fuck, he was also gone over him. He wasn’t willing to let himself get hurt again, though. So he looked at him while his own face remained impassive. He knew he was being unkind, maybe even mean which was much unlike him, but it was in self defence. He had no other means to handle this because Harry had also robbed him of that, practically begging him to not tell anyone so even Louis’ best friends knew nothing, and as a result he couldn’t even count on them helping him out. While he absolutely hated keeping it a secret, he would never out Harry or force him to out himself because you just didn’t pull that shit on anyone, no matter how angry or hurt you were. However, that didn’t mean he did not resent him for it. All the emotions he had felt and he was apparently still feeling were very conflicting. It had been okay for the last few weeks, but that had been because he was home with his family with a lot of distance between him and Harry. Also, his sister knew all about this mess so he didn’t have to pretend that all was normal. But now he felt like he was all alone in a crowd of his friends, who had no idea what was going on. It gave him even more reason to not be nice to him. Fuck Harry and his stupid face. He wasn’t going to make it any easier for him.

Finally Harry broke eye contact, his gaze moving somewhere to Louis’ right. He looked defeated at the fact that Louis simply refused to speak more than two words to him.

“Right. See you later.”

Louis didn’t bother with a reply and let Harry walk away. He took a deep breath to get rid of the tightness in his chest.

Liam and Zayn both looked at him like he’d grown another head.

“What was that?”

“Dunno,” Louis shrugged, not wanting to get into this.

“Dude, you were being an asshole.”

“ _I’m_ the asshole? Don’t you think that maybe _he_ could be the asshole here?!”

“Whoah, buddy,” Liam said, “keep it cool.”

Louis sighed as he tried to calm himself. Now he was yelling at his friends, fuck.

“Sorry man,” he told Zayn.

“Whatever,” Zayn waved his sudden out of character outburst away. “But that was fucking weird.”

“We had a sort of…disagreement.”

“Right, that’s why you’re treating him like shit, sure man.”

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s go get wasted. First round’s on me.”

“Hell yeah,” his friends agreed.

His night vastly improved from there, though once in a while he would feel Harry’s eyes on him. It made Louis uneasy but he tried to ignore it as best as he could.

“Hi. Can we talk?”

Louis looked up from the book he’d been trying to read, trying being the operative word, as he’d been stuck on the same page for a while now.

“Sure.” He didn’t move.

“Alone?”

“We can talk right here,” Louis answered. It was meant as a challenge. He was sure this would make Harry bail and maybe that was what he wanted him to do. There was a tense silence as they stared at each other, everything silent around them.

“I’m out,” Liam said and he stood up and left which surprised nobody; he got out of the way of conflict whenever he could and the tension in the air around them definitely forecasted some kind of clash. Zayn and Stan stayed right where they were though. Harry stood there for a few seconds, seemingly in doubt, before he sat down in the spot which Liam had just occupied. Louis sat up and put his book down. This was going to be good.

For some time Harry only looked at him, fidgeting with his hands before he seemed to gather himself. No one spoke a word. Louis looked back at Harry while his heartrate picked up. No matter how chill he pretended to be, on the inside he couldn’t deny how being so close to Harry made him feel. But as usual he was keeping up pretences. After months and months of hiding how he felt about Harry when other people were around, he was a proper fucking expert at it. If they handed out medals for this shit he’d be stacking them up.

“I’m sorry,” Harry started, “For everything. I didn’t understand why you didn’t want to keep it between us,” he carefully phrased, eyes flicking to the two men beside them before settling back on Louis. “It took some time but I get it now. I really am sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.” It was true. He believed that Harry had never wanted to cause him pain and he knew how hard it was to come out. But despite all this knowledge he was still hurt. It was harder to forgive him that. 

Harry looked away as he seemed to gather his thoughts. Louis didn’t know what else there was to say. Apologies were exchanged, maybe now they could try and be friends again. Or something resembling that in which he didn’t have to feel like shit every time he was around him.

“I still think we could be together,” Harry said after some time, catching his eye again through his lashes, head down as he leaned his lower arms on his knees.

This was unexpected. Out of the corner of his eye Louis saw his friends take notice. He ignored them.

“We tried, remember? It didn’t work.”

No matter how much he wanted to be with him, the reason that they’d broken up was still there. Louis was unwilling to go back to that situation as it would eventually lead to only more heartbreak.

“Be together? You mean..?”

Both Harry and Louis looked at Stan, whose eyes were almost popping out of his skull.

“We dated but I fucked it up.” Harry gave a shrug as if to say _whatever_.

“No fucking way!” Stan exclaimed in surprise, laughing gleefully. It was a reflection of Louis’ thoughts, minus the laughing. He didn’t think this was all that funny.

“What are you doing?”

Frustration was coming over him. So he couldn’t tell his best friends about this fucked up situation but Harry could just casually mention it when he decided it was okay? Fuck that.

Harry met his gaze full on then, “I’m trying to get you back.”

This took the breath right out of his chest. The only reply he had was to stare unbelievingly at Harry.

Zayn stood up then. “Right, I’ll pretend we have somewhere else to be right now.”

“No man, come on, this is gold!” Stan complained but Zayn almost hauled him up out of his seat by the back of his shirt and steered him away.

“Bye!” Stan yelled back at them. Louis laughed at his friends, but as he looked back at Harry the laughter died in his throat. Harry reached for his hands but he was quicker, putting himself out of reach. Harry frowned.

“Why did you just tell them that?” Louis wanted to know.

“Because I want you back. I know I messed up bad, I admit it. I’m trying to fix it.”

He made it all sound so easy but Louis definitely remembered how Harry had been so stubbornly unwilling to even talk about letting anyone know about them, and the problems that had caused had eventually led to their breakup. He didn’t know what to think now. It made no sense. He said so to Harry.

“I guess I was confused. I… didn’t know what it was that I was feeling and it scared me.”

“You’re not scared anymore?”

Harry laughed in sarcasm, “Oh I’m scared. Terrified right now, actually. But not… not about all that stuff. Not anymore.”

“No?”

He shook his head. “I’m bisexual,”

Louis could only just hold back a _duh_.

“And that’s alright.”

“Of course it is. It’s all good,” he told him. 

“I’ve told Gemma, my parents, and my friends back at home.”

Something like nerves were spreading through his stomach at that. “How did that go?” he asked carefully.

“Better than I expected. Gemma and Niall mostly just made fun of me,” Harry laughed, but soon stopped as he realized Louis wasn’t joining in.

“And your parents?” He knew Harry had been most afraid of telling them, it being most of the reason he refused to let anyone know in the first place.

“They were fine with it, actually. I cried, I mean…Yeah. Uhmm..” He cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away as he’d clearly said more than he’d wanted to. “They were cool.”

“Hey.” He got Harry to look at him again. “That’s great.” He smiled.

Harry smiled right back, “Yeah.”

Silence fell as both didn’t know what to say. Louis didn’t even know how to feel; here Harry was, telling him things he wanted to hear, but it was just a few weeks or maybe even months too late. He was unsure of what to do now.

“So, I thought, now that’s done with, maybe you can give me another chance?” Harry looked up at him hopefully. “I mean, we were good together, yeah?”

“We were.”

Louis didn’t know what else to say. He wanted to give in to Harry so bad but he was unsure. Harry sure as hell wasn’t the only terrified person here.

“We could be, again. Tell me what I have to do, I’ll do it.”

That wasn’t what he wanted, at all. He never wanted to tell Harry what to do or what not to do. Louis shook his head and Harry’s face fell. Emotion creeping into his previous steady voice, Harry admitted,

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

Louis didn’t know what it was he was waiting for but for some reason he couldn’t let go and give in to Harry, even if it was all he thought he wanted. But something was still holding him back.

“I don’t know what to say,” Harry went on, “I’m not good with things like this. I just know I miss you like crazy. I think about you all the time. I just want to be with you, I don’t care anymore who knows. Let’s tell everyone. I want to introduce you as my boyfriend. My parents would love to meet you, well, they have met you, my mom loves you by the way, but like, meet you as my boyfr…”

The words died in his throat as Louis stood up. He took two steps in Harry’s direction, closing the distance between them before he launched himself at him, pushing him back against the backrest of the bench as he jumped on his lap and put his mouth to Harry’s. Harry gasped into their kiss before he pulled back. He looked at Louis with a renewed sparkle in his eyes.

“Boyfriends?” he said, his face lighting up, both arms coming up around him to hold on to his waist. Louis had never seen a face more endearing or beautiful. 

He nodded, “I’m not getting rid of you ever again.” He smiled before he kissed him again, grabbing at Harry’s face to tilt his head to a more satisfying angle. Harry kissed him back fervently. His hands went up to Louis’ back to pull him in, Louis’ legs opening as he slid closer on Harry’s lap.

“Promise?” Harry asked, mouth moving against Louis’ lips as he spoke right into his mouth, unwilling to separate.

“I promise,” he whispered.

Harry briefly put their foreheads together with his eyes closed before their lips found each other again. He opened his mouth to deepen their kiss and then things started to heat up fast.

Louis’ shorts became snug as he pressed himself further into Harry, trying to get as close as possible. Tendrils of deep, dark desire were moving inside of his body. He was completely overwhelmed by the presence, scent and feel of Harry.

The hands on his lower back grabbed him tightly as Harry turned Louis onto his back with ease. Harry sprawled out on top of him, holding himself up with both arms. He looked down at Louis, his face open and gaze intense. A lock of dark hair fell over his eye. It was so sexy and Louis wanted him bad. 

After a few seconds of Harry just gazing at him Louis pulled him down by his shirt. He went willingly, his body spreading over Louis’ as he kissed him again and again. Louis’ hands went up into Harry’s hair before moving down his back to his thighs and back up again, feeling restless. He wanted to feel everything all at once, touch this gorgeous man that he could now openly call his boyfriend on every part of his body. He hadn’t enough hands to do all this at once. Working on instinct, he moved his legs and Harry’s hips slid between his thighs like they’d never done anything else. Harry gave a lovely groan as their groins lined up. They made out like that for a while, first at an almost desperate speed before slowing things down somewhat and trying to take it easy.

Harry kissed him almost lazily now, occasionally pulling back just a bit to look at Louis, touching his face softly like he couldn’t believe he was there beneath him before kissing him again, both hands exploring the body underneath him before they settled on his hips.

Louis felt like he was in heaven. Here he was, making out with the man he had crushed on and wanted for so long, and they finally were together, this time for real. Sure, they still had a lot of things to talk through and figure out and it would not just be easy sailing from now on, but all that stuff could wait ‘till later. They had nothing but time.

What could not wait was the arousal that he felt swirling around in his belly and lower, the sensations only ramping up more by feeling how physically turned on Harry was as well. Putting both hands on Harry’s ass Louis pulled him in tighter, grinding their groins against one another. Harry got the idea and started to move with determined thrusts, making Louis’ pleasure centres fire up as heat coursed through him.

Reaching up he took Harry’s shirt off but he had no chance to admire his chest as Harry descended back on him immediately, his mouth moving to his neck where it felt like he was trying to leave a huge hickey. Louis wasn’t complaining as it felt so very good. Besides, he wouldn’t mind being marked where others could see. The thought made a giggle bubble up which he couldn’t completely hold back.

Harry raised his head, “What?”

“I’m getting marked by you,” Louis answered gleefully, unable to stop grinning.

Harry smiled while he shook his head, his expression conveying _you’re so stupid_ , but he soon went back to his neck without saying a word.

Harry was now blindly searching for the hem of his shirt. His hands were a warm presence on Louis’ skin when he managed to put them underneath. Louis exhaled a breathy sigh, the sound turning into a moan when Harry unintentionally brushed his forearm against him through two layers of clothing. Unable to stop himself he grinded up into the pressure. The movement made Harry halt in his attempt to take Louis’ shirt off and he looked at him, the irises of his eyes only just visible around his dilated pupils. 

“I… I want –”

But what he wanted Louis never got to hear, because he stopped talking when they heard people on bikes passing the house. Louis had completely forgotten that they were still outside, practically undressing each other on the porch out in the open. The bushes as well as the backrest of the bench concealed them quite well from prying eyes so he was sure they hadn’t been spotted, but still, he wasn’t much of an exhibitionist.

“Let’s go inside,” he spoke against Harry’s lips.

Harry let Louis guide him into the house, holding hands. As soon as the front door closed Louis was on him, pushing him to the wall right next to the coat rack, crashing their mouths together. Harry eagerly replied by giving the most dirty kiss he could, sucking at Louis’ bottom lip and using his teeth before he claimed his mouth altogether. The groan that Louis let out into his mouth was impossible to stifle.

Hips were eagerly moving in search of friction, but things had changed from when they’d been on the porch. Now, Louis was getting too worked up, liquid heat moving around inside him and making him antsy, his body’s way of telling him he needed to get this show on the road. Enough with the foreplay. Dropping a hand in between their bodies was no small feat considering how close they were, but he managed. Harry tried to arch away from him when he palmed him through his pants, letting out a groan, but there was no place for him to move to. His face was flushed.

“Bedroom?”

For the second time within a few minutes Louis silently grabbed his hand and led the way. Upon entering the shared bedroom he tried to lead him straight to his bed, but Harry had other plans. The door closed and Harry, in a brief but proficient show of dominance, took the upper hand and pressed Louis against the wall right next to it, reversing their position from not a minute ago. He wasted no time in taking Louis’ shirt off, dropping it to the floor unceremoniously before reconnecting their lips.

“You,” he got out in between kisses, “are so,” kiss, “goddamn” another kiss, “amazing.”

Louis chuckled. After they’d started sleeping together he had soon learned that Harry sometimes babbled when they had sex and he thought it was highly amusing and sweet.

“Tell me about it,” he encouraged him.

“So hot.”

Harry kissed him deeply, his breath coming in faster than before. He dropped a hand down to squeeze him.

“Fuck, you feel so good. I want to do this forever and ever.”

Louis groaned. “I really can’t.”

He tipped his head back against the wall when Harry pressed his hand to his groin harder. He gave him a smile that Louis couldn’t place, which was weird since he considered himself an expert in deciphering the many moods and facial expressions of Harry Styles. It was a bit unsettling but Louis tried to ignore it. There were more important things to be busy with right now.

Like how Harry was kissing down his neck, attacking that same spot that was already bruising up by the feel of it. Louis hugged Harry tight to him and played with the short hairs on his neck. Soon, Harry moved down to his collarbones and chest, lapping and sucking at the skin as he kissed every inch he could reach before making a path down his sternum. Louis’ abs contracted when Harry nipped at the skin covering them and he had to put his weight to the wall to stabilize himself. His legs were beginning to feel unsafe to stand on. He had to lock both knees to remain upright.

After a few moments of this he tried to haul Harry back up so they could continue this on the bed, but Harry paid him no heed. Instead, he dropped down completely. Harry looked up at him briefly before he started to kiss his left hipbone, mouthing at the skin, dragging his mouth across Louis’ lower abdomen to his right hipbone where he lingered.

Louis tried to get his breathing under control. This was not what it looked like, he knew from experience, but _sweet Jesus_ , how he wanted it. Taking a few steadying breaths he mentally prepared himself for the next course of action by trying to put his arousal to the back of his mind. He knew how this was going to play out. In a minute, Harry would come back up and they could move over to the bed where he would try to suck Harry’s brain out through his dick. He loved getting his mouth on him, which probably had a lot to do with how he was always so responsive and vocal. After, and only after, he would give his own arousal free reign and be satisfied, too. He was sure it wasn’t going to take long at all with the way he was already quite on edge now, his body thrumming, anticipating and aching for _more, more, more_ though it was hard to differentiate it from the litany of Harry’s name that resounded in his brain. He tried to ignore his physical reaction but it was useless with Harry on his knees in front of him, no matter how much he told himself that they’d done this before and it had never led to what he so desperately wanted. He would not ask for it though because he did not want him to feel pressured in any way.

Harry now opened his shorts and pulled them down his hips. Louis kicked them off along with his flipflops. Harry didn’t stop there, hooking his fingers in the waistband of Louis’ boxers before he pulled those down, too. He reached down for Harry, trying to get him back on his feet but he ignored it for a second time, running his hands up Louis’ thighs as he put his mouth back on his hipbone, pressing himself as close as he could. Louis took in a rather loud breath. The difference between being clothed and bare for this were astounding. Now, there was only skin to skin contact where Harry grabbed his thighs, but more importantly, every time he leaned in Louis would feel his breath and occasionally his hair brush over his groin. While it did nothing in the way of stimulation, it drove him absolutely crazy with desire. It was exquisite torture.

His hands were searching for something to hold on to, roaming across the textured wall but there was nothing there.

“Harry,” he got out, voice wavering.

Harry looked up from where he was sitting on his heels. Heavy lidded eyes were staring at Louis, his mouth red and moist. The sight made him twitch. Fuck. He wanted him to do it so badly. But he wasn’t going to push him.

“Get up here.”

Harry shook his head before leaning in and pressing his lips to the base of Louis’ cock.

“ _Oh_ ,” he got out with a breath.

Harry whispered something that Louis didn’t catch, his lips moving against his overheated skin.

“Fuck.”

He couldn’t manage more as Harry chose that moment to lick him up, reaching the tip where he paused. He put a hand on him and pulled his foreskin back before he took him into his mouth just a bit, circling his tongue around his head.

Louis clenched his butt as he tried to not push further into Harry’s mouth. Though his mind was not capable of much conscious thought, somewhere in there he was still aware this was Harry’s first time doing this and he needed to make it as easy for him as could be.

His hand went to Harry’s cheek when he took him in further, feeling the outline of himself in his mouth. Louis had to close his eyes and he let out a moan. His hips started to jitter, wanting to thrust deeper into the warm, velvet mouth, but he did not let himself. Harry seemed to understand as he put his free hand on his hip and pushed him back to the wall, hard. Louis was glad he did for he found he could anchor himself by that point of contact. His hand now patted the top of Harry’s head before going through his hair, not wanting to guide him but needing some sort of contact. He slowly pulled on his hair at which Harry gave a moan, in turn making Louis shiver with how that timber echoed inside and basically turned his mouth into a vibrator.

Though he seemed to try Harry couldn’t take all of him in, but the part that he couldn’t reach he put his free hand on, jerking Louis off in the same sloppy, not-quite rhythm that he used with his mouth. It seemed like he was really getting into it. When he started to add more suction Louis knew he was lost. His body strained against the hand that was holding him to the wall and he knew that he could push through that resistance if he wanted to, but he fought with all his might not to do that. Harry was running this show. Louis tried to relax but his body would not cooperate, only tensing up more and more. Harry moaned again, his tongue catching the strip of skin on the underside of Louis’ dick. He gave a hoarse sound somewhere in between a groan and a shout.

Harry looked up at him then, not disengaging, his pupils huge. Louis’ stomach clenched hard as they locked eyes. Then he looked just a bit further down. The sight of Harry’s mouth on him was delicious and Louis knew the end was near. Harry bopped his head faster while creating more and more suction.

“Harry.”

Both eyes looked up at him again.

“I’m gonna…” he did not finish his sentence.

By the smile that now formed on Harry’s face, which was impressive all in itself since his mouth was stuffed, Louis knew he got his message across.

Harry kept up his efforts and it only took a few seconds before Louis was there, having just enough higher brain function left to push Harry off as he started to come.

He groaned as a first stripe landed on Harry’s chin, a hand quickly moving down to work himself through it, but Harry wasn’t having it. He was quick to put his mouth back on him, catching the rest of his climax.

It had been some time since Louis had come like that and longer since he’d come in someone’s mouth. He had forgotten how intense it could be and how raw it left him feeling. Or maybe that was just how Harry made him feel. His knees began to feel shaky as Harry kept nuzzling him, slowly moving up and down when he was finished. It felt good at first but soon it became too much. For the third time, he tried to haul Harry back up and this time he succeeded, Harry almost crawling up his body in slow-motion as if his legs were unstable, too.

“Fuck,” Louis said as Harry reached eye level, “that was…holy shit.” His lack of extended vocabulary in this moment could surely be forgiven.

Harry smiled in accomplishment before he moved in, stopping just shy of Louis’ face.

Louis didn’t hesitate and pulled him in for a deep kiss, breaking it every few seconds to catch his breath, unable to draw enough oxygen through his nose alone.

He caught the bit of spunk still on Harry’s chin with his thumb and pushed it into Harry’s mouth, chasing it with his tongue. They both groaned, but where Louis felt quite satisfied now, it was clear Harry wasn’t. He made an almost dangerous sound as Louis palmed him, and he set on the task of getting Harry naked, too.

As soon as Harry’s shorts fell to the ground he led Louis to the bed nearby, which made for a funny moment as Louis had to point out his was actually the other one. Upon reaching the right bed Harry pushed him down. Louis moved so he was somewhat in the middle of the mattress and pulled Harry on top of him, opening his legs so they were in the exact position as they’d been outside on the porch. Harry wiggled around.

“I can –” Louis started, not sure what he wanted to offer. Anything Harry wanted, probably.

Harry didn’t say anything but hoisted Louis’ thighs up and slid closer, leaving a damp trail as he started to thrust.

Louis was quick to catch on and rearranged his limbs, holding Harry as close as he could while still giving him enough room to move how he wanted to.

Harry’s thrusts were without pattern at first before he found a constant rhythm. He leaned down to kiss Louis again and again, his arms coming up just beside Louis’ face as he looked at him with wonder mixed with heavy lust in his eyes. Louis couldn’t do anything but look back. It was intense. His body was experiencing another surge of arousal but it was way too soon for his dick to do anything but lie limp.

“You’re amazing,” Harry said breathily, “It’s so much, I can’t, I _can’t_ –”

His cheeks were so flushed. Louis shushed him by taking his mouth.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Harry grinded into him harder, burying his face in Louis’ neck as if it was too much effort to hold his head up.

“ _Oohh_ —”

Louis had one hand on the back of his neck now, the other on his ass, softly pushing to help Harry get on.

“ _Please_ …” Harry whispered almost imperceptive into his ear.

Again, Louis’ dick twitched in vain. His hand slid further down, going in between Harry’s cheeks and over his opening, going down still. Harry gave an appreciative moan as Louis’ fingers stopped just behind his balls and tapped the skin there.

The grinding turned into erratic thrusting once more when Louis gave pressure, massaging the soft skin. Louis felt him pulse under his finger before wetness erupted over his hip in small but violent jerks. Harry shuddered on top of him, keeping mostly silent, only his breath stuttering. When the movement of his hips stopped he rested on Louis for a bit before leaning to the side.

Louis put his hand on Harry’s face, caressing his cheeks while he delivered a few nibbling kisses to his jaw. Harry was flushed, sweat sitting on his brow in small droplets, his mouth open. They kept close like that as they both let themselves come down, heartbeats slowing and breathing returning to normal, exchanging kiss after kiss as though it was unbearable to keep their lips apart.

“I’m sorry,” Harry was the first to speak after a few minutes, repeating his sentiment from earlier. He looked it, too. “I’ve been so stupid.”

Louis kissed his brow before replying, “Yeah. But that’s done now, hmm?”

A real conversation about all that stuff was in order but Louis wasn’t up for it now. He just wanted to enjoy lying in bed with Harry.

Harry nodded in reply, playfully rubbing his nose against Louis’. It made him laugh.

“Stay? I’m on cooking duty tonight, you can help me and join us.”

They both knew it wasn’t just an invite for dinner.

Even though the scene on the terrace earlier had showed that Harry wasn’t trying to hide anymore, Louis’ stomach was in knots over his possible answer now.

“I know you can’t cook for shit,” Harry smiled in between soft kisses, “so you’ll definitely need my help. I’ll stay.”

“Oh shut up, I cook just fine,” Louis bit back, but he was relieved. As an after thought he added, “You know they’re probably going to be weird, right?” He felt like he had to at least warn him.

“I can handle it. You haven’t told them anything?”

“You basically guilted me into not doing that.”

Harry groaned, “Fuck. I am so, so sorry for being such an ass.”

“Yeeaaah,” Louis smirked, “but at least your ass is cute, so that kind of makes up for it.”

To emphasize his point he grabbed said asset and claimed Harry’s mouth. He could feel Harry smile into it and he wasted no time to get on top of Louis again, who took advantage of their new position by putting both of his hands fully on Harry’s cheeks to pull him in.

“I am _not_ cute,” Harry stated against Louis’ lips, trying to put on a serious face.

“I didn’t say you were, I only said your ass was.”

Harry gasped in mock offence, “I’ll have you know I’m unbearably handsome and dashingly charming, everyone says so.”

“Who, like, your mom?”

He laughed, “My grandma too.” He bent down and pecked Louis’ lips. “But you know what they say; like attracts like and all that, so if you think I’m ugly, it means you are too.”

“I’ve heard it’s opposites attract. By that equation I must be the most handsome guy in the world.”

“Then I still get the better end of the deal.”

Louis raised an eyebrow, “How so?”

“I get to look at you,” Harry placed another kiss on his lips, looking fondly at him, “the most handsome guy in the world, while you have to look at my ugly mug. So basically, I win.”

Louis shook his head. “ _I_ win. You’re beautiful.”

This effectively shut Harry up for a few seconds.

“I like you too,” he eventually spoke, his tone almost shy. Louis couldn’t keep from kissing him deeply.

After that, words were replaced with sighs and moans as the room was filled again with sounds of two bodies entwining in passion.

After they’d showered and gotten dressed, Harry had taken a picture of him kissing Louis’ cheek and had send it to Gemma. It had only taken a few minutes before he’d gotten a text back, the first one saying _cute!_ with a purple heart added. Right after, she’d send two eggplant emojis and had followed up with _lube is your friend._

Harry laughed and showed his phone to Louis.

“At least she’s happy for us?”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, putting his arms around Louis and rubbing his nose in his hair.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be washing the vegetables.”

“Hmm.” He tightened his hold and inhaled.

“I can’t cook like this,” Louis tried to sound stern, but he was failing at it.

“Am I distracting you?”

Louis turned in his arms and nodded before he connected their lips. He’d gone for just a peck, but soon they were making out against the counter. He allowed himself to get lost in it. Harry was a good kisser; his tongue did things that made Louis’ stomach swirl every time and he enjoyed it now, even though his body was spent for at least another few hours.

Harry got his phone out again when they pulled back. Louis gave him a suspicious look when his own phone dinged a few seconds later.

“You should have our first photo as a couple.”

“You total sap.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it.”

Louis wanted to say something in denial of this, but didn’t get a chance as his words were swallowed by Harry’s lips.

Eventually the sound of people outside on the porch broke their bubble. Harry let go of Louis just as the front door opened and started on the vegetables.

The new arrivals were making their way to the kitchen with a lot of unnecessary noise. Louis glanced at Harry to give him an encouraging smile.

Zayn and Stan entered the kitchen then, the latter opening the fridge to get a drink, leaning against it after he’d closed it again. Louis looked up. Both of his friends were looking at him and Harry expectantly.

“Could you be more loud?” he asked.

“We wanted to let you know we’re back.”

“Weren’t sure what we were going to find,” Zayn added, “and we didn’t want to walk in on…” he vaguely gestured.

Louis was unimpressed. “We’re cooking.”

“I can see that.”

The mood was awkward somehow and Louis couldn’t figure out a way to break it. But he could always count on Stan to switch things up.

“ _Sooo_ ,” he addressed Harry, the same eye popping excited look on his face as he had earlier, “you’re still here.”

“Um. Yeah?”

Stan smirked, eyes full of mischief. “I guess that means you’re fucking my best friend?”

Louis watched Harry turn bright red.

“No.”

“No?”

“We’re dating.”

“Like I said, fucking.”

Harry smiled at that. “He’s my boyfriend, I’m his, it’s more than that.”

Zayn wolf whistled and glanced at Louis, looking impressed. “Nice.”

Then, Stan told Harry, “I didn’t know that you’re also into dudes.”

Zayn groaned. “You can’t just say that, man.”

“Why not?”

“It’s rude.”

Harry shrugged, “It’s alright. I didn’t know, either.”

“You went gay for Louis?”

Stan was obviously joking, but Louis held his breath. He wasn’t sure how Harry would react, for he’d once admitted that he didn’t want people to think he was gay. He was afraid the word would trigger something in him.

Louis hadn’t need to be worried though.

“Um.. yeah, I suppose so. But who wouldn’t, I mean, look at him.”

A blush crept up into Louis’ cheeks. He had never learned how to take a compliment like this, even if he didn’t think Harry was being all that serious right now.

Zayn raised his hand, “I wouldn’t! No offence dude, you’re my bro and all, but nah, hard pass on the dick.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet! I’d never want to fuck you, either.”

Louis came up to him and pressed a kiss onto Zayn’s cheek, who was quick to push him off.

“Blergh!”

Louis just laughed at him.

“Stan on the other hand…” he joked, turning towards him to give him his best come hither look.

“Oh, I’d definitely do you, too. You know me, I’ll try anything at least once.”

“You mean any _one_ ,” Zayn added.

Stan shot Zayn a questioning look, who shrugged his shoulders in reply, “What? You’re a slut.”

Harry’d had enough and came up next to Louis to wrap his arms around him.

“Forget it. He’s mine for as long as he’ll have me and I don’t share.”

Louis looked at him, “Possessive.”

“Got any problems with that?”

“Nah.”

“Good.”

Harry took him by surprise as he kissed him on the spot, apparently not caring about their audience.

Zayn cleared his throat as Stan began hooting, the sound turning into laughter when Louis raised his middle finger blindly in their general direction.

When they pulled apart they found themselves alone again.

“Alright?” Harry asked, looking a bit unsure about his actions.

“Yes,” he smiled happily, giving Harry a few soft, short kisses in a row. He felt like he couldn’t be happier. He had his friends and he had his man; things were going to be alright.

Harry started to make a trail of kisses along his jaw, placing a kiss on his ear before he went to his neck, making good use of the extra room Louis created by canting his head. Louis shuddered as Harry reached his bruised skin, opening his mouth in a silent gasp. Blood was starting to make it’s way down south again, quickened by the soft, breathy moan that Harry let out against his flushed skin.

“I’m hungry!” Stan shouted then, from another room, “And I don’t hear any cooking going on!”

It made them both laugh. One more kiss and they went back to making dinner.

“What’s that on your neck?”

“It’s a hickey, idiot,” Zayn said before Louis could open his mouth.

“Quite an impressive one.”

“What?” Liam asked.

“A. Hickey.” Stan supplied.

“You didn’t have that before, did you?”

“Nope,” Louis couldn’t hold back a smile. He shared a look with Harry, who was grinning. The curve of his lips reminded Louis of their activities just a few hours ago and he had to look away to keep a sense of decorum.

Liam looked between the two of them and Louis could almost see the gears turning in his head as he tried to make sense of it.

Without saying anything, it seemed like they’d all agreed no one was going to tell Liam, just to fuck with him. Louis was curious to see how long it would take before he figured it out.

It would probably be soon though, as Louis was having trouble acting normal. Harry had hooked their feet together under the table, their flip flops discarded. They were also holding hands out of sight, their arms hanging down between them. Harry played with his fingers, lacing them together as the tips of his fingers caressed Louis’ hand. It made Louis feel so full of excitement and affection that he wasn’t sure he could keep up the pretense any longer. But Liam hadn’t even noticed he was now eating with his left hand.

“I’m gonna bunk with Liam and Stan tonight,” Zayn announced.

“What? Why?”

But Liam went ignored as Louis smiled at Zayn, “Thanks.”

“Yeah, thank you,” Harry said, smiling at Zayn before he turned to Louis, giving him a look as if he wanted to devour him. It made Louis’ breath hitch.

“You can’t,” Liam said, “we’re using the spare bed as a closet.”

“You mean _you’re_ using it as a closet. Just clean your shit up, man.” Stan turned to Zayn, “You’re welcome to join our little love fest.”

“What the fuck. What’s going on?”

"Are you two coming to the beach party tonight?"

Louis looked at Harry, "You want to go for a bit?"

"Sure."

"Why is everyone ignoring me?"

Harry went on as if Liam hadn't just said something, "Just as long as we can leave early." He bit his lip, tempting Louis again, and squeezed his hand.

"Hmm, let's do that."

"Hello? Can you actually hear me?"

In the end it only took a few more hours before Liam found out, along with everyone else, when Harry kissed Louis for all to see and started to make out with him in the middle of the dance floor.

Louis had never been happier.


End file.
